AND THAT'S WHY I'M SINGLE

5년 전

I told a lady that I'm single and she wept. I mean she wept uncontrollably. It was as if I just announced the death of her entire family including her family friends. Why did I tell her I'm single? You should know. Aaah Aaah, I was so shocked. The more I tried consoling her, the more she wept. It was becoming a big scene. So I left and went home.

On my way home, I subjected myself to scrutiny and introspection. I wanted to ascertain the reason for the awkward cry this lady was crying but I couldn't find any. Hmm, after six good hours I couldn't figure it out. It was becoming disturbing. People don't just cry for no reason, you know. I wanted to call her but I had no airtime. Unfortunately, my foolish room mate wasn't around - he usually has a lot of airtime. I remembered I could borrow some airtime, so I did and placed a call to this lady. I called her 57 times, she didn't pick up. I kept on calling. I was outrageously determined to hear from her. Allah truly works in miraculous ways: my determination wasn't in vain, on the 89th time she picked up. Her voice was still shaky from all the cry she has been crying, ah baah! How can someone cry for six hours? Who knows? May be she took a break for some time and continued her cry. It is possible. Hmm, Who can understand now a days ladies? They are very delicate.

Any ways, she was much calmer. I didn't know what to do, so I started apologizing - frankly speaking I still don't know why I was apologizing. After apologizing, I wanted to know my crime. So I asked "what did I do wrong" You lied to me - she said. Aaah Aaah, me? When did I lie to you? You told me you're single - she said. Yeah, I'm single - I confirmed. She started crying again. [ Ooooii Naawuni] she said, "This is the biggest lie I have ever been told. How can you lie to me like this? On what planet can a guy like you, called Wumpini Lagfu, be single. God will punish you for lying to me. Bye" hmmm, she hanged up on me. Ladies and gentlemen, this is one of the many reactions I get when I tell ladies of my "singularity" :some laugh uncontrollably and others cry uncontrollably. Can't I be single? The ladies will never believe that I'm single and that's why I'm single.
................................
Wumpini Lagfu
17/10/2017

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