Today it marks a year from your passing, mom. Sometimes it feels like forever and yet like yesterday. Although the pain remains the same, if not worse and deeper, like your absence, I will try to keep living life after your example that you set. Still, missing your pure, unconditional love, your kindness, your wisdom and everything that you been. All that made me to what I am today. What inspired me to be me. Everything that I always will owe to you. Remembering you every single day and working on resting aside the haunting memories of those images of you rotting slowly from the illness in front of my eyes for a long time. Seeing you suffering like that, watching your loved ones slowly fading away on pain, and you sitting there unable to do anything, scars your forever. Leaving so young and recalling how strong you were before all went down. Still, despite all that, I recall you fighting to survive, in your pain, your suffering. I remember you singing few days before you were gone Inside that depressing hospital where other people were dying around or next us. An admirable hero, laughing at the face of the coming death- you know it-you felt it.I still see you fight with all your will and what was left of your power. I recall some of your latest words to me "I will live inside you". And though we physically lost you, your spirit and energy does live inside me every since telling me to carry on. You smile at me and then you fade away again. That's what life has been every single day and moment since then. A haunting absence, an endless pain and emptiness left being but at the same time, warming sparks of hope. Echoes of your smile and at the same time the crippling images of your slow decay, fight together each other. And still, trying to find the meaning in all this and continuing your legacy and all the greatness you left behind. Everything that now will be carried over me and my brother until we too fade away one day. Through all those years, through all your silent struggle and suffering in the times of the cancer,you showed us how to fight, without complaining about life but instead cherish every single day left, even if those were the very last ones. You were speaking of the gift of life itself. You were inspiring us. You were always a teacher of life and telling us how to become strong and overcome even the worse. You were an exceptional being that to my eyes was the closest thing to what some would call a god. I don't believe in anything than you, Im not a believer but I daily think and hope you are somewhere out there, in a different new kind of energy, watching over us. Continuing to support me, comfort me in the darkest times where I follow your example and fight a silent but hurtful and painful war. You are being my light. The one that guided me to this life and showed me the right path. You won't be forgotten a single day, mom. And I will be carrying over all those great values and examples you passed on me. I will try to keep honoring you every single day until I'm gone. When I say I love you and miss you out loud, I hope the sound of my voice reaches you out there somehow. I am proud to be called your son. Thank you for everything. Let Those words be a testimony to others to follow and remember what it means to have had someone that special to you, a sacred mother who sacrificed everything for her child and was a loving and caring person to every other human being. May the light of other ones like you shine upon those who need It. You are now safe inside me, away from the pain and suffering of all you been through your entire life, even though many didn't even know what your life has been like. But to anyone who knew, you have set an enlightening example. An example that I will also try to follow and apply more often. I love you mom. I truly hope to see you again someday and give you a long lasting hug. I miss you deeply. Rest in peace, warrior, you fought greatly, and you fell down with honor.
Mother and Sons