Once again, the ceremonial space had been set out for each of us and by sunset we came to get settled - good posture and deep, slow breathing together with our intentions was how we began. Remi spoke for a little while and gave a few timely pieces of practical advice to cope with the purging we might experience - from either end... ;) Macey called each of us to sit with Remi and he poured our 'tea' for us. When it was my turn, I took the cup from Remi and breathed it in - I wanted to be able to drink it all at once and not be surprised by the taste. For me, the taste really wasn't so bad and it actually went down rather well. I handed the cup back to Remi and went back to sit and remember my intention and wait. It can take half an hour or more for any effects to be noticed.
There was a change, I was seeing something new and more distinct with a fuller spectrum of colours - the scene was something like an egg being fertilized. I was so taken with all of this that the thought of asking questions or simply trying to speak just wasn't there. But a thought did come to me which required a little interpretation -
I understood so much more in those words and later I would unpack them into some more extensive written notes - that would also require more reflection and unpacking. But, to continue...
Think of scribbles as complex waveforms and the void is a canvas ~ it may be formless and black instead of white but that difference isn't important. By altering my perceptions to have these visions, I had spied her doing it and She (or something) had noticed the scribble that is me. She came to try to read that scribble ~ which created a union of the two.
She also told me that the real miracle is that anything exists at all. What people think of as good or bad is just a preference. But it is important to us so we should choose accordingly. She made me laugh until I cried and I cried happy and sad together. She liked wiping those tears and my running nose with a handkerchief and then squeezing and relaxing the handkerchief. That piece of crushed and moving cloth was like an intricate, dynamic fold to her.
One of her messages to me but also for everyone was, 'Dry your eyes'. As in: It's time to stop grieving. For me, this pertained to my last relationship.
She spoke to me in my voice. At first I mistook it for my own internal dialog but I learned to hear her in that voice. We had a long dialog in a mixed language of words and colours and emotions. She would have allowed me to linger or retrace on a particular theme but I was content to move on with her. I wanted to know about the extent of my life ~ She told me that I will die when I am ready to die.
She helped me examine the death of my grandfather who I am very much alike. She would choose a word like 'resonance' to describe that similarity. What She had to say about my concerns of becoming a father and having a family (continuing the resonance) was that, even if I only bring a little joy to my children and my partner, it is enough because it is better than no joy and nothing at all. She wants me and everyone to scribble on the void. That's what it's there for. She wants me, specifically, to sing and dance (which will require a lot of practice or some very happy drugs...). She told me to at least consider going to Peru.
I asked her about some of the people that I see as doing harm in this world ~ She said they think they know more and better than anyone else and that they need to be shown how little they know.
Remi's Icaro came to an end and I had a sense of intermission. We'd been told to try to stay in the ceremonial space but She wanted more movement and more space. She wanted to see the stars ~ there were patterns in them, this night sky was alive and it made me laugh. She played with the stars and made them dance for me. She liked their gentle light. She helped me to acknowledge that my nature is to share and, importantly, there is more to sharing than just giving and offering to share with others ~ there is also accepting the offer to share from someone else.
Those of us that had taken smaller doses of Ayahuasca were, for the most part, back in our familiar minds and Remi, in his rather simple and delightful way of saying 'Finished!', had ended the traditional part of the ceremony. Ashley and Macey went around offering some fruit to each of us and gave us the chance to chat about the experience we'd had. Macey followed up with a couple more songs, including Iko Iko - which we all joined in on.
Stay tuned for Part Three! ;)https://steemit.com/ayahuasca/@voluntary/bambuddha-ayahuasca-retreat-part-one