Deadlier Than The Male - editing exercise 7

작년

Back on track (again), I'm editing this work, as well as writing and catching up with other WIPs (works in progress).


These are the covers of my three Wolf Series novels

If you're following the story or how I go through the process of editing, here are the first few posts.

Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5
Part 6

The photos are all my own and some may be a little off-topic and random, so bear that in mind (and read the descriptions).


Cont...

At the bend, he stopped and set her on her feet. Shielded a little from casual passers-by, he glanced up and down the alley to make sure. He pushed the woman, and because she offered no resistance, he eased her up against the wall; his right forearm held her across her collarbone. He leaned toward her, his head a little lower than her throat, and he looked up at her face, taking his time to appraise her.

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“I said you’re fit aren’t you? I watched you jump the gate at the top of the hill.” The hint of a foreign accent tinted his voice.

“Oh, you’d followed me further than I thought. Was that you on the top of the viaduct?” she asked, in a calm voice, less scared than she had seemed a few seconds before.

“Yes. I didn’t know if you’d seen me or not.” He sniffed her again. “You are on your period,” he said, making the personal comment sound as though it was something that she may not be aware of.

“Am I?” She didn’t seem upset or annoyed at his intrusive observation.

He grinned at her again, a leer in both his smile and his eyes.

She surprised him by turning the conversation again. "You murdered those women didn't you?"

He blinked in surprise at her sudden confidence. "Yeah, that was me," he said, and didn't try to conceal the pride in his admission as he reminisced. He moved his other hand to clasp her coat just above the top fastened button, ready to rip it away from her neck.

Through her blouse, the backs of his fingers touched the delicate lace on the strap of her bra. Breathing deep, controlling his craving, he smelled her again, almost as though he couldn’t decide whether to seduce or to devour her. His head moved upwards from where he held her coat open at breastbone level. Keeping his face close to her skin, taking intimate pleasure in her smell; his senses heightened as he worked and he delighted in the extra thrill, the anticipation in taking her.
Languishing in his task, relishing it, he moved his mouth toward hers.

"But you didn't rape them," she said, turning her face from his as his arm moved in order that he might continue upwards. She kept her eyes on him - and it sounded like she was interrogating him.

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"No I didn't, why do you say that? Are you making me an offer?" He leered as he pulled his head away. Curiosity at the woman's sudden calm made him want to carry on the conversation. After all, he was in no rush. There was no danger of rescue because she had called for none and anyone passing who happened to glance up the alley would assume they were lovers, impatient in their passion. Her coat was left with the collar intact - for the moment.

"Hardly," she said and smiled, but this time, her smile made him take stock of her - she was not scared, not a bit.


Unedited Version

Cont...

He stopped just at the bend, shielded a little from casual passers-by but he still glanced either way just to make sure. He pushed her up against the wall quite gently, his right forearm held her across her collarbone. He leaned against her, his head just lower than her throat and he looked up at her face, taking his time to appraise her.

“I said you’re fit aren’t you? I watched you jump the gate at the top of the hill.” A slight foreign accent tinted his voice.

“Oh, you’d been following me further than I thought then. Was that you on the top of the viaduct too?” She asked quite calm and less scared than she had seemed a few seconds ago.

“Yes. I didn’t know if you’d seen me or not.” He sniffed her again, and said: “You are on your period.” He made the personal comment sound as though it was something that she would be unaware of.

“Am I?” She didn’t seem upset or annoyed that he had been so very intrusive with his statement. He grinned at her again, a leer in his eyes and on his smile.

Then she surprised him more by turning the conversation again. "You murdered those women didn't you?"

"Yeah, that was me." He didn't even try to conceal the pride in his admission as he reminisced. He moved his other hand to clasp her coat just above the top fastened button, ready to rip it away from her neck.

Through her blouse, the backs of his fingers were touching the delicate strap of her bra where it was sewn to the cup.

Breathing deep, he smelled her again, almost as though he was deciding whether to seduce or devour her. His head moved upwards from where he held her coat open at breastbone level. His face stayed very close to her skin, taking intimate pleasure in her smell. His senses were always heightened as he worked and he got an extra thrill from the added anticipation that he had acquired with this one.

Languishing in his task, relishing it, he moved his mouth toward hers.

"But you didn't rape them." She said turning her face away from his as his arm was moved in order that he might continue upwards. She kept her eyes on him - and she now sounded like she was interrogating him.

"No I didn't, why do you say that? Are you making me an offer?" He leered as he pulled his head away, his curiosity at this woman's sudden calm made him want to carry on the conversation. After all, he was in no rush tonight. There was no danger of rescue because she had called for none and anyone passing who happened to glance up the alley would assume that they were lovers, impatient in their passion. So her coat was left with the collar intact - for now.

"Hardly" she smiled, but this time, her smile made him take stock of her a little better - she wasn't scared.

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