In this article you will learn:
How are behavioral programs embedded in children;
What are the pros and cons of different ways of forming behavior programs - drivers;
What drivers help manage your life
What programs of action embedded in you? And your children? And what is missing? All solvable issue, if there is a request, the desired resource can be acquired. But first a necessary clarification.
The term "driver" is a metaphor for some developed and brought to perfection of the programme of action, a kind of set of instructions for a particular situation. Drivers needed to quickly, without wasting unnecessary energy and effort to get out of the situation or to continue to reside in it in the most optimal way for us.
There are similar on the semantic content of the concept of "life script". But if the life script is a kind of canvas on which to turn our whole life, the driver is a driving mechanism that runs and determines our activity and method of activity in a given situation.
Driving mechanisms: the formation of
To better understand what was going on, imagine that we bought a new video game, which is faster I want to try to play. Installing it on your computer, we use (without even thinking about it) ready drivers are either already installed on our computer, or included games. The driver in this case is to computer program with which help the operating system gain access to hardware devices to quickly establish a video game and start playing.
Similarly, in life. In the process of its interaction with the environment we develop an effective programme of action, as if the driver is automatically activated, thereby encouraging us to act one way or another.
The formation of a driver, the child can happen in different ways.
The path of observation. A child watching their parents or other authoritative adults, just copy them to the "driving mechanism", which will determine how its behavior in certain situations.
Pros: this is the easiest and least costly (in terms of mental energy) the way of formation of the driver.
Cons: copy this image, the driver may completely contradict the features of the character and potential of the child, which could further cause different negative psychological experiences.
The path of "attempts and errors". Child, getting into various social situations, trying different ways to incorporate, as well as behavior in them, stopping at the most effective.
Pros: the result are the most suitable and efficient driver that is best suited to the psychological organization of the child's personality.
Cons: sometimes the way requires a huge investment of mental energy and effort, it can be accompanied by frustration and other negative reactions, if something will not happen.
The way of learning. The child is instructed adults and relying on their support, produces its plastic "driving mechanism", which can vary depending on the change in the situation.
Pros: most effective way of producing suitable for the child drivers, but on the condition that parents will take into account the characteristics of their child, providing him or her with sufficient, but not excessive, support, and introductory instruction, but not ready-made recipes.
Cons: parents can too to care for your child, offering ready-made recipes and solutions leaving space for his own experiments, narrowing the area of personal development and improvement.
Three examples from a set of drivers
The drivers that help us manage our lives, in fact, there are a great many. Moreover, each of us has at his disposal a unique set of different drivers. Consider the most common of them.
Be first! The first to be good, and sometimes even very useful, because when we teach a child to win, we form a prerequisite for him to develop healthy competitiveness in adulthood.
But if a child blindly follows this driver, focusing only on his victories (while receiving enthusiasm and praise) without realizing that someone at that time became the second, third, etc., we can educate a selfish narcissistic person. And you can only imagine what such a child is like if he suddenly loses, that is, he is not the first. Probably one of the most important things that a child’s parents must teach when they are 5-6 years old is to lose. He must learn to win without humiliating the other, and worthily lose, without feeling humiliated at the same time.
Do not be scared! A driver that allows you to maintain composure and calmness even in the most unforeseen and extreme situations. A driver that allows you to quickly navigate, think and make lightning decisions. A driver that allows, despite fear and danger, to achieve the goal and move forward.
But when we teach a child masculinity and courage, we should not forget that fear is still the physiological reaction of the body to danger. And although this reaction can be learned to control, in no case should it be ignored.
Hurry up! But, indeed, it is really interesting to live, there are so many things around that are unusual, you need to try so many things, you need to do a lot of things, solve a bunch of questions! Be sure to rush to live, otherwise you really will not have time!
This, of course, is true, but the catch is that in such a hurry there may not be time at all to simply enjoy life. You need to teach your child not only to quickly run through life (to have time, to do a lot, to try a lot), he must also be taught to stop. He must be taught to admire the sunset and sunrise, enjoy the breath of the warm spring wind, calm and silence, appreciate the warmth of simple human communication and intimacy. For the child to live a full life, we, parents, need to teach him not only to eat, dress, read and write, but also to confidently manage his life, enjoy it and just live happily!