What lies beneath..... a woman's blouse - Comedy Open Mic 47

3년 전

Whats uuuuuup Steemers, steemiters? Steemains? What's up fuckers, Amir is here with the biggest bombshell this site has ever seen. You see my name is pronounced ass Ameer with double. I know, I am as shocked as you. Not really, not even remotely.

Not much has happened since my last post, except my uncle shared a piece of wisdom with me while he was in the hospital, he said "Masturbation is like Tango, it takes two people, preferably from Latin America", BTW, he was in the hospital for suffering a brain damage. So in a previous Article I discussed how sex has been a great selling and investment in all types of human art and inventions, all of that reminded of my non-existent sex life which is based around one core rule that nonnegotiable

Probably the reason it is nonexistent.

But, all of that led me to ask the obvious question, why aren't there available inventions to see a woman naked more often, or children as I am trying to be open-minded while remaining disgusting.

Seriously, that question has always been on my mind ever since childhood. "Childhood?" Well, yes, I grew up watching Disney movies.

Perhaps I gathered different lessons than other children, I would have to admit.

So, that question always baffled me, why don't we have those super glasses that see through clothes. "There is no way scientist are that dirty minded, that is why?" They are not? Then how come the first physicist to ever win a Nobel prize received it just for that?

Wilhelm Conrad Röntgen, German (Of course), and looks the part.

Also, it is not dirty minded, it is science, the studies of it does exist in school books, and if you studied growing up you would have know what I am talking about. Needless to say, it is a ray that the science community have been in pursuit of for centuries, one that goes through the clothes and shows us what lies beneath. It is believed that the first time someone was successful at doing something like this was of course Wilhelm Conrad Röntgen, who we will Conrad because none of us know how to pronounce the other two names. He did so in the year 1895, discovering a type of ray that would make it possible to see certain things that otherwise we wouldn't be able to see without certain surfaces torn, the walls standing between us, we were able to see through. You could only imagine how important such a discovery is, we were able to tell locations of bullets or fractions, in 1896 we were happy to locate silver swallowed by a child without having the doctor cutting open the child, although evolution suggests that he should.

Such rays were quite important an revolutionary, but almost as harmful. A series of studies done by Columbia university showed that some patients who were exposed to the rays had their skin dried, and some were no longer able to grow nails, what would you bite on if you don't have nails? (Dirty answers should be sent to itstimetogrow@up.com), others lost hair in the area where they exposed, in some cases the body parts exposed to the ray had to be mutilated, not to mention that in some cases, some people got cancer, would you risk giving an innocent woman cancer just to see her boobs? Don't answer that. That resulted in many experiments to be stopped.

The talks among the people about the rays had more clinics and hospitals using it without known the damage of it, in 1906 there around 88 people affected by the ray. Well, anyway. Here is a picture of that rays would make someone look like.

"Wait, you are talking about the x-rays? Are you fucking around? I wanna see flesh, I can't believe you tricked me" Well, I also once sucked dicks for three dollars and got rejected a chance of doing that exchange again because I was bad, there are some things we just need to live with.

Oh, you wanted to see underneath the clothes but over the flesh, yeah you should have led with that. In some cases, yeah, X-rays can result in you seeing just what you want. In 1998 some people said that they were able to see people naked because of a special type of camera..... But of course that is not true. Basically the camera was able to see in infrared, so it is set up for night-vision, however that night-vision during the day time would allow to see some things if the person it is aimed at is wearing light clothes, but the company of course fixed that "malfunction" because fuck you perverts.

In 2006, a type of scanners was using the X-rays but was able to spot more details, it was a golden opportunity for you as the security people said that they have seen all kind of nips and tips. But of course that was a lie.

Now, let's let go of that superficial fantasy and ask the real question; why is there even a need to see what's underneath the clothes? What do clothes hide that you need to see? What do you want to hid underneath those threads that you don't want people to see?

Those questions aren't exactly easy to answer, unless you want the simplified "BOOOOOOOBS" answer. But humans have been on this planet for over 300 thousand years , 290 of which your mom has been a slut. In a 2011 study published by Florida university, by studying the evolution of a type of lice that used to live in clothes they estimated that human started wearing clothes 170 thousand years ago in what is also known as your mom's greatest financial depression. The question is; why did we put on clothes? Well, there are plenty of explanations, some say it is because of the ice age as there was no way we would make it that entire with a boner in such cold times, we can barely make it through the pool.

But that doesn't why do people in hot places wear them? I don't really know, this isn't as well researched as I may have thought. It is suggested however that of course Malaria was a thing and Gnats would fuck you up, because unlike your wife's sexual frustration size really does not matter for them. Second reason is that human, unlike all mammals, are the only creatures who are standing most of the time. Standing is good as it leaves your hands open to do all sort of things. However, with standing all the time, our sexual organs are an open shop. Unlike other creatures, that a have a mating season, humans do not have a specific times to fuck. Like in some areas female monkeys change their colors to let the male know that it is time to order them a Chardonnay.

Humans have no mating season, ask your dad and his 7 other illegitimate children and he will confirm it. If humans kept fucking and multiplying, they would have no time to take care of their youngsters so they have children all the time, sadly, Arabs, Chinese and Indians didn't get the memo. So according to the theory we had to put on clothes because human males are horny bastards and unlike the other animals who are told when to mate, humans needed to be told when not to.

So communities grew up and the nonappearance of our sexual organs created the ability to control their urges (Male urges, let's be feminist-ically honest here), we were no long an-open-to-sex shop, we evolved simply put. As time went by, clothes started telling a different story, a story we don't verbally share. Things like who we are and what is our job, for example in old Rome parliament members used to wear purple


Clothes were a reflection of people's jobs, in China only the kings were allowed to wear yellow, In today's mentally-diverse and more specified society colors and style of wear are more reflective of what we are, Turbans are worn by the religious, green for the soldiers, jeans for the cool people, suits for businessmen and employees and brand names for wanna-be Bourgeoisies. Basically, unlike the old days, we wear clothes these days to show something rather than hide it, which is who we are.

Whether true or not, the colors and clothes we wear automatically fill in people's mind with assumptions, be them correct or not, assumptions that we control to a certain extent. Whether we like it or not, clothes no longer only hide things, but they also clarify and show things. It started with what do we hide and now it is about what we show, which leads to the question that started this whole journey; how can we see what is beneath the clothes?

We could in fact have the ability to be able to see anything beneath the clothes, be it already or in the future. We have developed extremely advanced machines and devices to suggest that it might be just around the corner. You could be able to see just that in the near future, but excuse the question; why? If you are curious, then shouldn't be more curious in what a person is trying to show rather than hide. What is the thing we are trying to tell through one of the extremely few things we have control that reflects parts of our identity? We can't control how look like, can't control how soft or thick or skin or hair can be, so what are we trying with that one thing we can control

I nominate @carrieallen and @Carlgnash to make an entry. Also @justineh because I have been seeing so much of her on Twitter

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  ·  3년 전

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Oh I know what he's gonna be playing around with tonight.

If your dad only has seven illegitimate children, then he isn't working hard enough.


Sounds like those condoms were illegitimate


It is a dry market out there.

Fuck that is a lot of words. You could have just said, "Go watch porn, Chris."

The end result would have been the same. Me sitting here naked with 78% of a spaghetti squash in my lap.


I got cureangeled, whatever that is


I think that's when the angel of curie comes down to earth and blesses you with her tits.


A wise man once said that where there are tits, there's a way

Whatever I try to say, my clothes always spell out "broke".

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