Rice Goes on the Inside of a Sushi Roll You Deranged Lunatic - Comedy Open Mic Round 28

4년 전

What is this?

No, seriously what the hell is this?

A Sushi roll? For real? That’s what you’re going with? You’re gonna really try to justify that?

Wow.

Umm, yes, there certainly is a problem.

See, I ordered a sushi roll, but you brought me out this creepy inside-out rice thing.

How am I supposed to eat this? It has the structural integrity of a snow-cone!

Ura-what-i?

What the hell is uramaki?

Well uramaking me want to dropkick you straight in the nose.

Look when I dunk it in my soy sauce! It’s disintegrating. Now I have a tiny bowl of Soy Sauce Rice Tuna Soup.

You know what didn’t crumble apart into a thousand microscopic pieces? This beautiful strip of nori seaweed that now has no purpose to its existence.

Look at it just sitting here on my plate, now made superfluous and unwanted because of your insanity. I’m not gonna eat it now. Who wants to snack on just straight-up long pieces of ocean salad like some kind of savory fruit-by-the-foot?

If I ordered dessert would you bring me a waffle cone buried inside a melting ball of vanilla ice-cream?

How would you like it if I made you a cheese sandwich by shoving a piece of bread inside a pile of shredded cheese?

Why would you plop this disgusting abomination in front of me and call it food?

When did you decide that you could just completely invert the Truth on a whim? That you could actualize this nihilistic reversal of the Natural Order?

Please tell me—Please, for the love of all things Holy, tell me you aren’t pointing at the chopsticks right now...Tell me that you aren’t about to suggest I eat this deconstructed slop pile with two little sticks.

What are you, some kind of sick maniac?

A refund? No I don’t want a refund.

When it comes time to pay for my meal, I’ll just bring you a piece of paper scribbled with obscenities and you’ll hand me your cash register.

Uramaki Economics bro.

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Disgusting Pornographic Filth

Nominated: @pancakes & @anne-c

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I seem to have this great habit of remembering to come visit your blog only at time after you post.
We're in Sync, but without the dancing. Although if you're up for it, happy to take a spin.

Hey,
Hace some legal thing and would greatly appreciate some input... If you know what I mean wink

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If you mean a sex thing, I’m there!

If you mean legal advice, I don’t think you’d be wanting that from a poor jungle avocado farmer.

But I could always pass it along to this attorney I know in Juarez and see if he can help you, assuming he hasn’t had his head cut off yet.

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Oh sweet, i love jungle avacadoes. They're the lawyers of the all jungle varieties. And as a bonus very phallic when you lick them sexual as the avacadoness glistens like a bratwurst at a beer festival.

Fun fact: jungle avacadoes have the skin on the inside and farmers are said to derive great sexual power from using them as suppositories.

Hi ilt-yodith,

Thank you for your entry in to #comedyopenmic comedy contest. We have asked the judges below to review your entry and give it a funny rating. (They generally have no sense of humor, as the saying goes, those that can't do, start contests and judge).
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"How would you like it if I made you a cheese sandwich by shoving a piece of bread inside a pile of shredded cheese?"
some marketing guy somewhere reads that and thinks. thats a great idea... we need to sell this too kids. will call it Bread N Shred heat that right up in a microwave.... like an inside out pita pocket

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Whelp, I’m gonna back it in and all it a career.

You just won Steemit.

I think I’m choking on the tears that I’m drowning in from the funny.

A+ Mr. TushieTokens.

Look on the bright side if any. If none, fart in a bag then puff it at the person serving your table next time you go there

Thats pretty cool activity

Chefclub Up vote

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Ha ha ha ha excellent