Comedy open mic round 11... My first Entry.. Random musings by a not so random guy. I might fracture a few ribs but I will surely enlighten you.

3년 전

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Goodday everyone. It's the 11th round so I guess the comedyopenmic series have been a great success. I got nominated by a friend so I decided to jump on it.
Before I proceed I would like to nominate @warpedpoetic and @luice to give this contest a crack.

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Wait A minute
I have been thinking about something. Why is success so demanding.
Let's face it, success is exhausting. If you doubt me go and ask @jerrybanfield and his 45 min read posts. How he does that is still a mystery to everyone on the blockchain. Anytime I see a post from him, I rush off to find something to eat before I proceed because I know it is almost always a long ride, educative non the less.
How he copes with everyone mentioning his name in posts hoping to get an upvote is amazing. Why are you loking at me.? That's not what I am trying to do here. I am actually trying to get him send me some SBD, 7 days is a long time to wait.😁😊

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I have this morbid fear for whales. Imagine someone that can ruin all you have worked for with the click of a button.
I see them as trolls. The kind of trolls that beat you and you don't go to tell your father because you know that they are going to beat him too.

Steemit is like a real life jungle. When you see two whales fighting just close your mouth and sip your juice, It's for your own good.

Just look at @berniesanders and @haejin. @berniesanders is trying to uphold the ideology of steemit and the other is trying to..........
Go do your research before I say something that would get me flagged by tomorrow.
I have two kids and a wife to feed, so I think I will mind my business until I become a whale, then I can take a picture of my ass and upvote it and you can complain all you like....😂😂😁😂

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Solitude they say is peace. I once met a man that told me that in other not to let other people feed you their bullshit, you should always stick your nose in your own shit.
That man in this picture possibly met that man too and told totally misunderstood his advice.
That's something I always tell people; do not because you hear that a word is enough for the wise act like you understand something that you don't. Don't look foolish trying to act wise. Always ask questions.

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Oh my, how much I love to cook. To spend hours in the kitchen and still end up buying Chinese takeouts.
You must certainly agree with me that sometimes life is not fair, the one food I know how to cook always gets burnt before it is done, and it is no fault of mine. I'm serious.
Scientists in the United Nations Association of Jollof Rice Cookers have proved that it is impossible to cook jollof rice without it getting burnt. If you doubt me ask Google.😄😄.

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Democracy is not working in Africa because we do not practice democracy in our homes.
Democracy is when you commit a crime in your house and your father comes back from work and hears about it and then he asks you "junior how do you want me to punish you or do you plead innocent". That is democracy.
That happens in Europe and America. Junior is given a chance to plead his case.

In Africa, junior is immediately sentenced to 12 strokes of the cane.He can explain himself later after the beating, at the risk of getting more strokes.
Oneday, the guy writing this post was slapped by his dad and he immediately saw Obama borrowing a power bank from kim Jung un to charge his phone, he also saw the earth from space, rotating around it's axis and prisoners in Guantamo bay dancing Ballee. Till this day these visions are still clear in his brain, as well as many other countless visions.

That's the reason why you see a 10 year old child in Nigeria thinking like an old man, because everyone expects him to think like an adult when he is just a kid.
😔😒😉

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I have always believed that the problem most times is not from me, neither is it from you. The problem is mostly from the both of by us.

What do I mean?
okay, let's take relationships for example. Look at how much we try to be civilized to the point where we lose touch of who we truly are.

I know how much you love to fart when you are home alone. You fart until the house starts to smell like a garbage can. You know you are one big chunk of fart ball, and you love yourself like that, why do you think I wouldn't love you that way. The problem is you are too afraid to be a little of yourself when you are around the people you love.

The truth is I love to fart too. Sometimes I fart so long and so hard that my room starts to smell like a nuclear reactor.
But when we are together we start to pretend.
We hold the gas so much that our stomachs starts to upset.

If only we gave being real a chance. If only we did.
Let's keep the random musings till next time.
Do you think I should do a second part?
Would love to hear from you.
Don't forget to upvote and resteem.

Shout out to @idikuci and the whole @comedyopenmic crew. You are all doing a great job.
If only I knew your addresses, I would have sent you guys some burnt jollof rice. Believe me it's not actually that bad.

To my ladies I leave you this parting quote:
"There are 70 ways to a man's heart, one is through food and the rest is 69".
I have said mine.

@youngfred.
Lights out.
Goes to the back stage and farts till everyone starts to applaud.
Gracias.

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You covered Banfield and a room full of fart in this piece. That's everything you need for a quality entry. Thank you.

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You are welcome. Elated by your comment.
Hope to keep it going.😀

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Please do keep it going.

bomb!

where have you been all these while?

get the second part going already!

fantastic first entry!

welCOMe!

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Thanks man. I truly appreciate the encouragement 😊. Would get to work.

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yep the right spirit there.

if you serious about keeping this promise:

If only I knew your addresses, I would have sent you guys some burnt jollof rice

feel free to hop into the Secret COMers hideout

we will be glad to have you.

I approve of this, because @jerrybanfield is my co-pilot, or possibly my evil alter-ego.

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i knew you wouldnt resist :P

This was funny. No... It was genius writing. I loved the way you moved from one topic to the next and the ending with the jollof rice was really good. Lol.

I don't know how to do funny stuff bro, so I don't know how I can be a part of the open mic. Thanks though for nominating me. I appreciate that you thought I could bring laughs.

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Thanks. Glad you loved it. You could give me a name of some you think would love to so that I can nominate him next time.

On a side note, stop using Google as image source. Google Search engine does not own the rights to those images. You should get the websites correct. Don't get flagged bro.

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OK. noted

This is good . I too recieved one those slapped which would take forever to load . It would be like you suffocating just to cry, with your mouth wide open and gasping for air, when its finally out ..... well, They must beg b4 i stop.

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Hahaha. That was one bad tactic. Guilty as charged.

Welcome to the #COM crew. You really managed to cover a lot of topics in this post. Banfield's post definitely need to be read with some snacks cause half of them are novels

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Lol.. I thought I was the only one that felt that way.😅