You have just been told by a source you trust implicitly that a meteor is going to take out life on earth; there is nothing that can be done to stop it, and they have no intention of alerting the public. You have four days until impact/game over. What would you do with your time?
So a trusted friend calls me up to tell me we all are going to be roasted meat in four days’ time, and I should live all that I can in the meagre span of 96 hours.
Firstly, I’d remind him (all my best buddies are guys) that April fool’s day was eleven days ago, and ask if he had just woken from a coma.
Though if he manages to convince me with some solid proof, say the live video of a secret passage in his Dad’s library, and I see with my korokoro eyes, Iron-man’s lair-like communication gadgets, and he confides in me that his Dad is a secret agent, working undercover for NASA in the Xenoarchaelogical or Astrobiological department - because let’s face it, this is Naija, if anyone had an inkling someone was supposedly wasting all those resources; sellable high tech, in pursuance of some fathomable theory of an Alien cartoon manifestation(shades on ET), the house would be raided and all of that stolen and shipped off to wherever their fish brains tell them it could be sold.
So yeah, after I see all that, I’ll freak out, and tell him to marry me, so the Emergency evaluation for the Organization’s workers would cover me and my family, because dude we are one now, and my family= your family, then we could all fly out to space together – as a legal family (family of families, but whatever).
If that doesn’t work out, I’ll try guilt tripping him, by soliloquizing how much hope I had in the future, and how my wonderful, selfless life is going to be cut short by one stupid rock, and I’d keep rambling on for hours.
And the only way I am going to back-down / shut-up is if he says there had not been any allowances for more than one family. Then I think I would just let’s things go.
Save some dignity for my spirit (as that’s all I would be left with in a couple of days).
I hadn’t really expected to live forever anyways, and as far as I am concerned, this world has already ended.
Accepting that, I would move to the next phase of action…I’ll call it, Operation nothing the fuck matters anymore, oh wait, the Afterlife. I’d probably try not to kill anymore or cause grief if I can manage it, so karma won’t make my next life as crazy as she made this one.
P.S I reason, thanks to the influence of this upcoming Zen Buddhist @Rasamuel that we must have been really shitty people in our past lives, to have been born as ----rians.
Anyways, I’ll try to make up for all my life, by being kinder and more carefree than I ever was- talk about living life to the fullest.
I’d probably start from all my regrets, I’d try to fix them up. The current on the list being never having opened up to that guy I have a massive crush on before being separated.
But those are all trivial things I could get done with within an hour, I’d just lift his number from our NYSC zone’s WhatsApp group chat, and call him up – talk about spontaneity.
Then I’d probably do a live video on Instagram, Facebook and of course Dtube, telling the world how unfortunate they are to have only just known me. This, I realize would only be visible to my small circle of followers, so I would empty my bank account and incentivize social media influencers to retweet, rebroadcast and forward my about-to-be-viral video of awesomeness.
Don’t judge me, it has been my longest wish to be famous.
Then I’ll buy about #5000 naira worth of recharge card to call, and invite everyone on my contact list to an impromptu party on the day of the hit, tell them I just won the lottery, and I want to celebrate it, and yes there would be Jollof rice.
The country’s sub National anthem
Then I would scout the whole pharmacies in my vicinity and get as many sleeping drugs as I can lay my hands on (I would buy the same brand of sleeping pills from different stores because it would look shady if I tried to obtain a voluminous amount of them from one store, and if I got different brands, I might just end up poisoning them).
My plan would be to line the food and drinks with those pills, so one minute, they are bobbing their heads to good music, and rubbing their bellies to tasty food. The next?
They are in heaven.
And viola, that’s what I imagine would do, the validity of which can’t be trusted because it’s usually all fun or games until the real thing happens, and then I’ll throw my hands in the air and run to the nearest news center to blow the trumpet, so that we could all freak out together.
No guys, the world isn’t ending anytime soon, this is just my entry to @Dreemit ’s whatwouldyoudo challenge.
So yes, you can breathe now, and then go check out the contest and try it out because it’s fun!