3년 전


After I failed WAEC exams, I ran to Owerri to live
with my granny. All my parents motivational
speeches fell on deaf ears. I decided to quit
western education. I was ashamed and angry.
Body was just doing me like I won't make it in
life again.
One day, after I and granny returned from the
farm, we were helping ourselves to a breakfast
of roasted plantains, yams and oil sauce, when a
big jeep pulled over. Lo and behold , it was my
uncle from the abroad and one small aunty
laidat, that stepped out.
Uncle told us that he had come to introduce his
second wife. Although my grandma was happy to
see him, she was disturbed. He had just been
married for five years.
Uncle explained that his wife had only been able
to give him a girl child, and he needs sons to
carry on his name. He can't allow his name to
die jus laidat. So he decided to get a wife, who
will stay in Nigeria, give birth to his plenty sons,
train them with African culture, and show them
his lands as well.
When uncle left to greet other members of the
family, Granny dragged the aunty to one corner.
She reiterated to Aunty that since uncle has no
intentions of taking her abroad, wasn't it better
she turns down the marriage offer and finish her
education? Maybe someone who will take her
abroad will come through.
"For where!" Aunty shouted. Aunty
begged my granny not to put sand in the garri
that heaven has prepared for her. She said she
was about to write waec, and she know say she
no go even pass sef, because the thing hard. So
it was better she holds one thing. She can't be
an unmarried illiterate.
My Grandma became even more shocked when
Aunty advised her to get ready to carry plenty
sons. According to her, they have 'boy genes' in
their family. .
Aunty also emphasized that she will be giving
birth to the first son. In other words, her son will
inherit all my uncles property. As for living in
Nigeria and not going overseas? She wasn't
bothered. So long as her and her sons live in
uncle's big house, and uncle keeps sending them
plenty money for up keep.
I almost choked on my plantain when Granny
advised me to inspire the young girl to go back
and complete her education. Hian! Inspire the
young girl bawo??? With which mouth? Me
that couldn't even pass WAEC???
Who I be????
Abeg oo. I just finished planting corn at that big
farm. I'm tired. Lemme eat this food in peace.
After much talk, my uncle finally got married.
Throughout their small honey moon periods, him
and his new wife will always come visiting with
matching attires. Aunty sef don join am to dey
carry bottled water sef. No be small thing o! Too
much juice, too much sauce! Good bye
to clay pot and pure water.
Eva water ti takeover. See levels!
Then time came for uncle to travel abroad...He
got to the airport and experienced some
difficulties. Before he knew it, he was detained,
till his visa expired. The officials asked if he
knew someone abroad that could identify him...
He reached out to his first wife. The woman
denied him. His four year old daughter sef, deny
am join.
They didn't even stop there. The woman and his
daughter who's a citizen joined forces and
claimed everything he had over there, reported
him, and made sure he was banned from
entering the country. Only God know the Kain
allegation them put for him head.
Women?! Fear women! When they want to run
you street laidis, they do it in grand style.
Imagine four year old pikin dey disown papa!
Indeed, hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.
Finally, when it dawned on uncle that poverty has
chased and caught up with him, and that he had
to start from the scratch, he decided to settle in
Nigeria, sell his Jeep, and build a block industry
in the village.
One day he visited us again with his angry wife,
who was clutching an Eva water can as usual.
He explained his business plans to my grandma
who listened with rapt attention. When he was
done talking, he asked granny for her advice.
Granny was like" How can I advise you if you
people are still carrying this bottled water
upandan? Is it not better to get used to pure
water and start saving money through that first?"
"My wife is pregnant. And can't drink this village
water." Uncle replied.
Grandma wan craze. "Which wife? Has she not
been drinking borehole before you met her? If it
was bad , she should be dead by now. You
people should climb down to pure water or better
still, retain your empty Eva water cans, boil the
borehole water well, and pour it inside them. I
assure you. Nobody in the village will know about
it, except me and you people."
Laugh wan kill me that day! My granny is a
clown! Aswear! See survival tactics wey she dey
give person fa! Hay God!!!
******Major fast forward*******
Some months later, I had overcome my
depression and traveled back to my father's
house when my mum received a call from the
village. The way she shouted the Jesus ehn, fear
catch me. I thought granny had passed on.
When she dropped the call, she looked at me
with regrets in her eyes and said; "Your uncle's
wife gave birth to a girl."
" Ehen! Is geh not pikin? I can't believe you
almost made me suffer cardiac arrest because
of nothing sef. Mtcheew!"
My mama vex for me that day ehn! According to
her, uncle had sacrificed virtually all he had for
this male child. Me and my Papa just dey laugh.
And I'm sure my granny too go dey laugh. The
woman funny sha! She kept calling me heartless.
I was like "Mummy wait fez o. Why should I be
angry? Wetin concern vulture and barber? How I
go dey tear pant ontop wetin no concern me se?
Shey his wife has boy genes abi?
Ehn.... They should try again na!"
All this male-child maniacs! Instead of them to
be hustling how to deposit the Y chromosome
inside their wives, they will be looking for other
women to perform magic with. Odiegwu!
The annoying part is that, some of them will just
blame their annoying actions on the fact that
they want someone to carry the family name.
Carry it to where kwanu? Onitsha or Lagos?
Oga if you dey find legacy, make one for
yourself! How many male children does Jesus
have? How many male children does Obama
have? Have they not made history?
Please miss me with that bullshit!
Now my uncle is now in the village, living with an
angry wife and three daughters. It cannot pain
me walahi!
Aiye le oooooo Ibosi ooo

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@Amaragod, thank you for using the naijapidgin tag.

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