When my then-boyfriend now-husband met around October 2018 in the south of Thailand, he was clear of his intention to me that he wants to build a family with me. He saw me as the mother of his kids in the future. He has his reasons why I was the suitable bearer of his kids.
I don't smoke
I am not alcoholic
I actually fell for that when he told me he wants to have children with me. I was single for a long time and had some short love affairs along the way. Most of the guys that I met are afraid of commitments, don't want to get married, and don't want to have kids. Same for him, he was single for a long time and it's about time to give his parents some grandchildren.
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Photo from Unsplash
Having kids is a mutual decision but it also depends that you are gifted enough to have kids that quick. So I went to see an ob-gynecologist in April 2019 to have my annual check-up just to make sure that I am healthy enough to have kids. My doctor told me that I should have kids by now just because I just turned 30 in 2018. After few days of the tests, I found out I had PCOS or Polycystic Ovary Syndrome. I was actually unhealthy and stressed at that time because my mother died in February 2019.
I was kind of sad when I learned it so the moment when we had to see each other in a different country, I told him not to expect that I would get pregnant right away. We met in Bali after a few days of seeing my doctor. Then we learned we were pregnant by July 2019 when we were in Palawan. Another story for this. :)
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Being new parents is not a walk in the park. The pregnancy process made us experience anxiety. Were we ready to be parents? What the future holds us? Those questions and doubts. Can we be good parents?
After having my first Cesarian delivery to my first child, I was traumatized. My body was really in pain and I've been crying a lot. I wasn't sure if I could change the diapers of my baby in the hospital. Good thing that my husband was keen to learn how to change the diaper of the baby and the midwives showed how to do it especially on giving a bath to our son.
My Husband is a Hands-on Father
I am so lucky that my husband is very hands-on as a father. For the first few months after I gave birth, it's he who change the diapers and give a bath to our son while I was healing. He cooks for us and he feeds me while I was breastfeeding. We were actually taken care of. I was very proud of it on my FB how he takes care of us. A few of my friends told me that their husbands never laid a finger to change diapers on their kids.
When I was slowly recovering, of course, I do give my son a bath and changing his diapers while my husband do the grocery, do the cooking, and do most of the house chores. Before my husband met me, it's normal for him to do the cooking, washing the dishes, do the grocery, and cleaning the house. He just taught me how to use the washing machine, dishes machine, and vacuum cleaner when I arrived in France. As some of my friends told me, their husbands don't do all of these things.
My husband is very strict with cleanliness and he told me he got it from his mother. He loves to cook as his parents are excellent cooks. I am so lucky I belong to a good family here in France. Photo below is our breakfast + lunch. Every day he prepares this kind of lunch so we are eating healthy.
When our son turned six months, it's my husband who prepared all our son's mashed food. He boils the vegetables like carrots and potatoes then turned them into mashed veggies and puts them in a bottle. Now that our son is now a toddler at 19 months, still my husband prepares food for us. Our son eats now like a young adult.
When I Got Pregnant on our Second Child
My husband is still hands-on with our son so he still changes the diaper of our toddler and even gives him a bath. Most of the time it's him who takes care of our son now that we have our daughter. As a breastfeeding mom, my priority is our daughter so I don't have to worry about our son. Of course, I also miss giving a bath and changing diapers to my son that I have to do it as well.
Good thing that my recovery after giving birth to our daughter is now faster. I don't feel the trauma anymore. I change the diaper of my daughter and give her a bath in the hospital. I am also happy that after a month I am able to take care of my son by changing his diapers and giving him a bath. Doing these to both kids is indeed challenging.
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When I am Alone with the Kids
What can I say? It is actually CHAOTIC. I have to give food to my toddler son then I have to breastfeed my baby daughter. I also need to clean the house, do the dishes, fold the clothes, put the clothes in the washing machine and to the dry machine after. I run everywhere left and right as my toddler goes crazy around the house trying to touch something or push or accidentally break something. I need to put my son to sleep in the bed upstairs and my daughter in her own little bed. I can only do the home chores when both of my kids are sleeping.
When my husband arrives from work, I cry as I give him updates on what is going on around the house. I even send photos of how our son is creating a mess around the house. Or a cute photo and video of us while holding my daughter and my son was just behind my back. Imagine when both of my kids cry at the same time? I go into a panic mode and I don't know sometimes which one to give my attention to first. What I do is we are all in the same bed together. I put the baby in the bed while I give a cuddle to my son. Sometimes, we watch his favorite cartoon on YouTube so that he will calm down. After that, he will just get out of the bed and go to his toys and play. He also gives kisses to his sister every now and then so it's kind and sweet.
At the end of the day...
We are not perfect as parents but we do our best to take care of our kids. Our children really bring so much joy to us and we are so happy to build our own little family.