I asked Zuckerberg for my money and he hung up on me :(

5년 전

 So I have a story to tell you. After I joined steemit I started thinking about the value I give to other networks. It all started one dark and stormy night, when I reached for my telephone huddled in the corner. I decided to withdraw my worth from the sites I use.


So I called up Mark Zuckerberg, 

and I said "Hey Mark" (we know each other by first names, he's my friend on facebook), "How do I withdraw my face, I did some research and it looks like I'm worth $48/year on average.

Mark said, "withdraw your face? what do you mean?"

I said, "my identity, you own it, I've been a member for 10 years can I get 50% of the $400 or so you've made on my participation".

Mark said, "I already sold your identity to like 80 people"

I said, "How do I get it back, is there an identity returns department"

He hung up and I was sad. ;(


So then I called up the reddit CEO. We don't know each other by first names, cause there's no way to be friends on reddit, but you might recognize the sinister face below.

I said, "Hey, umm hello, can I withdraw my reddit"

He said, "Withdraw your karma, umm no. Did you mean can I buy advertising?".

I said, "Ok, Can I buy advertising with my Karma?"

He said, "No only money, karma isn't worth anything."

I said, "Well can you at least replace that alien? he is seriously a creep."

I heard some sounds similar to r2d2, like when he's sad in the movies, and click. ;(


At this point I was pretty mad. Twitter must think I'm worth something! Twitter has my back, I know it, I've got followers and everything.

So I called Jack. I follow him on Twitter, so we're pretty close.

I said, "Hey Jack, reddit and facebook don't think my contributions are worth anything. I don't know what to do, is there somewhere where I'm actually rewarded for participating."

Jack paused, and said, "Please try to keep your requests under 140 letters."

I said, "Jack, so I've been using your site for years and I follow you, can't you let me withdraw my retweet numbers?"

Jack said, "If you've seen our stock price lately you'd see we're tanking so no"

I said, "How about a RT on my steemit tweet?"

and click. Turns out their business model is failing, I'm sorry :(.

There I was, alone, afraid, all these people sold me, made money on me and I'm supposed to be happy because it's free? Well Mark, Jack, and whoever runs Reddit, some alien person, *bleep* *bloop* you too, I invite you to steemit. Seriously, I cordially invite all of you on steemit, because we'll give you value for your contribution, we'll treat you fair.

All images are creative commons fair use.

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Too damn funny! bleep bloop.


yea super rude. I dunno if we have any robot translators, gonna need C3PO

You have potential for sure.
What time the 2nd episode will be broadcasted? You will have capital for one more shot :p


2nd episode of my humor? I didn't know people would like it my friend. I am inspired already. I have infinite.


Then make it count. Spread your "infinite humor" and we will pay you back. A win-win situation.

Brilliantly crafted post! I had a similar conversation like this with some friends at work this week. Besides being creeped out by mainstream social media data profiling for micro-targeting, when I described Steemit all they could say was "where do I sign up!" I said "you can't, it's so hot they closed sign ups."

But the sign up flood gates have just opened again so look out!


you know it's funny, but i actually wrote a serious post about this. Sometimes it takes a little humor to realize the realities. https://steemit.com/steemit/@creationlayer/steemit-is-the-beginning-of-a-bigger-revolution


I have this exact same bird

Very funny, and creative too! Puts things Into perspective about who really "owns" you In traditional social media platforms...Thanks:)

I laugh so much, you have a good imagination that's what we need.

I will try calling Mark because he is my friend as well and I want all my faces back , not only 1 🤒 So refreshing to read your reality check !
"Hey Joe " Jimi might answer !

Brilliant, as soon as the follow button works here I can say good bye to them all forever.

Very good!

Funny to read this post back after 3 years

This really made me laugh. It's true though - you are worth fortunes to the other sites yet what do they give back? Nothing. I may be a minnow at Steemit, but at least it values me enough to offer me potential rewards if my contributions add value.

Funny post. This is one of my favorite things about steemit -- the value created stays with the value creators.


Very cool

Nicely done! You mention that the images are fair use as well, kudos.

Haha this was creative af


thank you means a lot