5개월 전



Losing one parent or both are among the very scary and the worst things that could happen to a child besides abduction, it is a scar that never heals no matter how grown and matures I have become. The same thing applies to separation from one’s parent, the memories linger on even till the affected soul starts producing/raising his or her own children. Though some parents voluntarily left their kids with no reasonable cause, while some had to do so under unforeseen circumstances like CPS- Child Protective Services, a legal way to seize children and sell them off as sex toys or sacrificial lambs for some evil underworld society. Death is involuntary and sounds like the only legit reason for a parental separation from their children, anyone suffering from this form of separation might never heal up.

In my own case just like a thousand more, death came for my father few days to my third birthday and for as long as I could remember I have only celebrated just two birthdays in my life, at least from old family albums I use to see my first and second birthday pictures, since then I never had any because my birthday comes during that time of the year my late mom remembers her late husband, but that’s just one of the little scars of losing one parent.

Orphanages and foster homes don’t help much, I mean it helped some children but ruined many more who had been exposed to vultures and child molesters. Several kids whose parents had died or had been dumped somewhere as a baby ends up in this situation, millions of children all around the world are in these impoverished institutions where a lot happens to them which changes their lives forever. Some influential people claimed to fund these orphanages and foster homes, but they have ulterior motives, evil and sinister agendas to ship these kids to some foreign land and served to some depraved and perverted minds who find pleasure in making life miserable for children.

The ones that escaped been served as wines to pedophiles end up on the streets, used by drug barons as courier services; dishing out hard drugs to the nook and crannies of the cities and hoods they find themselves. Mostly, many of the kids in this category don’t make it to their primes; they either die from drug overdose or caught in a crossfire of gangster carnages.

My dear mom of blessed memory tried to fill that void of a father, she doubled as my mother and father, just for her boys not to end up on the streets and die like flames. She made the scar of growing up with no breadwinner as minimal as she can till her dying breath.

Imagine being homeless in an impoverished country or region, as a kid, the chances of survival is zero compared to developed countries. Needless to say, the intervention of CPS in these western countries doesn’t really help much, making life more difficult for kids that had been separated from their parents whether by death or by ill fortune all over the World.

Back then, it was exceedingly small what keepers in foster homes and adopting parents and doctors know about severe trauma in children who had been in this grave situation. Forming attachments was hard for me even up until now; I had no close friends till my junior high. The boy was like me, suffering from parental separation too so it was easy for us to bond. Before the, I was always in fights and brawls, turning myself into "The Punisher", fighting every bully I see around in school. Most times I go home with swollen face and that won’t stop me from fighting another day. The headmaster of my elementary school grew fond of me at some point, the most fight I enter is me fighting for a weaker child who is been bullied by some spoilt rich kid and I often escaped with no punishment.

Now imagine refugee kids, children who had watched as their mothers and elder sisters were raped and their fathers butchered like poultry meats. Also, picture children that had been separated from their parents in a ghastly accident, or some kids whose parents left the country seeking asylum in some foreign countries and things didn’t work out as planned to come back and take the children over. Maybe the kids in this category survive or not, but the pains and suffering of having a father or a mother they can’t reach or see in some corner of the world would is monumental.

My fears are, maybe after I start having my own kids then these traumas of being separated from them through death or any circumstances would rear its ugly head again.

I survived and so are many like me, even though the pains and memories hurts more and the hope alone makes me and many like me wax stronger. Then I hoped and pray the kids like me and the ones in greater despair as shown in the mainstream media who had been separated survive and live to tell their stories someday!

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No matter what your experiences in life are, good, bad, ugly or awesome, there is a need to face the future with positivism. No regrets, no fear of the unknown, just optimism. No one can feel what you feel because they didn't go through it, you did. You will therefore need to encourage yourself.

This is Tolulope Onakoya from Ogun state reaching out to you as a player of the diary game in Nigeria. Keep posting, and steem on.


Thanks for the reach out, cheers to the new week.