Where is the will, there's a light. A story of the past.

2개월 전

I never met my grandfather's because they both died before my birth.
My grandmother had always telling me story's about how they met and how life changed for her once she was married. I always loved to hear those story's, and I was so happy when she started talking about her past. 60 years ago love story's were a little bit diffrent. She was 17 years old, when her parents introduced her to this man. She needed to get married because her parents were really poor and she needed to move out.
She didn't like this boy, he was handsome but he was lady's man so she knew this is not man for her. After he asked her parents for her hand, she didn't had any other option. She must marry him. She wasn't in love but she had no rights to say no. Her brother even slap her because this man was one of the few to have a profession and the profession of carpenter was one of the best at the time.
And so, they got married.
First years of their marriage were brutal for my grandmother. He was still chasing other girls and she still didn't like him, but then all of the sudden everything changed. First daughter was born. His words were: You have given me the greatest treasure, it is time for me to change. And it really did. After work, he always came home immediately, was friendly with her, and he loved their daughter with all his heart. Grandmother began to developed feelings for him. She began to love him. The story has changed. Their relationship grew stronger and they became more and more in love. After a while, they decided to move to Germany and earn some money to build a house in Slovenia. Unfortunately, they couldn't take their daughter because her grandmother didn't let her go. She told to my grandma, she's going to kill herself if she's going to take her grandchild with her.
My grandmother was devastated and their daughter too. But they didn't have any other option. They wanted to give her comfortable life with no worry about the future. She stayed with her grandparents and they moved to a Germany. These were difficult times for both of them. They both got jobs and worked 14 hours a day. Their first apartment was without electricity and without bathroom and kitchen, there was no toilet. Toilets were outside - wood toilets. They took showers in town, but that was almost impossible to do every day. One year later they moved because owner sold this house, so they needed to found another one. They did. One bedroom. That was it. They lived above the restaurant. They had lunch there, showered and went to the toilet. They still worked with all their power so that they could move back to their daughter as soon as possible.
Unfortunately, at that time it was almost impossible to get home at least once a month, because there were no highways at that time and the journey lasted 48 hours. After 5 years in Germany, they were finally able to live normally. The pay was not bad and they had enough money to move into a larger apartment. They decided to have another child. But them my grandma got sick. She miscarried twice. So they decided not to have any more children. But their only child was living in another country and grandmother missed her so much. They still wanted to gave her better future so they stayed there. After 7 years they got the most exciting news. My grandmother was pregnant. After 9 months, my mother was born. She went to school in Germany. After 7 years, they started to build a house in Slovenia.
But then my grandfather had a heart attack. He had to stay in Germany because health care was still more developed there, and my grandmother worked every night, only night shifts. Since the house in Slovenia was not finished, it was decided that my mom would move back to Slovenia and my mother will live with her sister. Grandfather moved after a year to finish a house and he was getting better and he found a job in Slovenia. And so, my grandmother stayed there and continued to work night shifts. But after 3 years she was completely tired and lonely so she and her grandfather decided it was time to say goodbye to Germany and finally stay in their hometown with their children. My aunt was alredy married, she was 16 years old when she got married, my grandfather was so mad, but he had no rights to say anything at all, because she had thrown him in the face that he had left her and refused to take her with him to Germany. It broke his heart, but over time he saw that this man was right for my aunt, because he took care of her and also for my mother when he was in the hospital.
And so my grandmother also moved back.
After 30 years, they said goodbye to Germany and started a new life here.

But these were difficult times for my mother. Since she went to school in Germany for the first 7 years, she didn't speak the official language she learned here in school. Since Slovenia was still part of Yugoslavia at that time, they had to learn Serbo-Croatian and write in Cyrillic. Of course, in our hometown, Slovenian or our dialect was spoken. The classmates were also unfriendly to her because she wore modern clothes, spoke perfect German, and lived in a large, modern house. But luckily, that didn't last long. Mom was a hardworking student and a very good friend and she quickly adapted. So yes mom, you did it;)

After 4 years, my aunt started to building a new house, and my whole family was there, helping. They were talking and my grandfather said that he need to repair those stairs or my cousin will fall someday.
Seconds later, he gripped his heart, fell, and closed his eyes forever. The whole family was present, and I can't imagine their feelings they felt at that moment.
All his life he worked to offer his family only the best, to build a house and enjoy the old years. This lasted exactly 4 years. My grandmother was devastated. They finally had the life they wanted, but now she was left alone with my mom. And then her past started to hunt her. Second world war, life in Germany, her feelings because she left daughter, sickness, dead, and this was just to much for her. She broke.

She had problems with her nerves before, and somehow managed them with medication, but then she started to drink alcohol. The problem was that she was an aggressive drunk.
These were difficult times for my family because we lived with her, constant threats and fights, police and many things. I didn't understand it before, but what my mother was going through at the time was incredible. A sick child you spend most of your time with in the hospital, a husband who works on the other side of the country, an alcoholic mom and I, who was alone at home with an alcoholic. She tried to protect me from all this, but I was still part of it, so I started to back away and spent most of the day outside. There were no phones at the time to be in touch every 3 hours, so she didn't even know where I was going and what I was doing. I became a rebel. I'm ashamed of it and aware of what I was like, but it's too late to change the past. When I moved out, I began to think, and reading and searching for answers, especially when these health problems started, I slowly began to understand. I apologized to her for all the problems I caused, and all she said back was, that is part of growing up and her teaching me, so you have nothing to apologize for. So yeah, best mom ever.

We are great family now, my grandmother is sober for 17 years now, I have good relationship with my dad, and my little brother is my best friend.


Happy birthday grandma 😊

I tried to take my mind off all the problems that we have today, and devote myself to the story that made me who I am, and that everything can be solved and changed for the better, we just need will and hope. And yeah some time also a little bit of education. I mean reading. ;)

There are times in our lives when we have to realize our past is precisely what it is, and we cannot change it. But we can change the story we tell ourselves about it, and by doing that, we can change the future. - Eleanor Brown

Thanks guys for reading and till next time ❤

With love, @tinabrezpike

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