There are certain moments with/in music...
Sometimes it’s the atmosphere of a whole track. Sometimes it’s a detail in a single element - the crackle & distortion in the recording of a piano, the depth of soul in a single vocal note.
I don’t know why I feel so deeply into these details sometimes, to the point they bring me to tears.
There are moments of alchemy, listening to certain songs...
Where it’s like something in the sound waves unlocks/activates a part of my genetic code, opening access to entirely different dimensions.
Where it becomes no longer just me in my physical body listening to the music, but a deep dive into timeless, non-physical consciousness.
Where the boundaries of everything the eyes perceive as separate in 3D dissolve, the spirit encapsulated in the vibrations of sound returning me back to that “oneness” the new-age nutjobs won’t shut up about.
I can never trace the source of the tears.
The well of emotion runs so deep, with such a rich, complex blend throughout its infinite layers.
Sometimes I can’t tell whether they flow as a result of pure inspiration from the discover of these entirely new dimensional soundscapes, or that these peak states of ecstasy-like joy in that “oneness” have always been within - repressed for so long, that the tears are of an immense sadness for having been living is disconnection for so long.
I can’t gauge how much of the emotion is triggered by these new musical experiences, versus how much is from long-forgotten memories stirred up of all those magical moments from a decade DJing. Or if it’s all from the same well - diving back in being overwhelming after having denied myself full release into the Love for so long.
Behind the tears, the music penetrating my soul to break open my heart from the inside...
I question how I could keep forgetting.
How it’s possible to have gotten so lost in both the mind and it’s projections of what’s going on in the world, that moments such as these seem so rare - when all it takes is a few minutes to slow down and listen with fresh ears.
How I’ve longed for these depths of love so intense, yet have repeatedly chosen denial of such simply pleasure.
The heart poured into these works of sonic art, melting away the calcification over my own that’s compounded through years of misalignment in fears and egoic drives for worldly things so fucking basic and lame in comparison to these intangible realms of consciousness flowing in the audible frequency spectrum...