Watch Here: https://www.bitchute.com/video/FpqsDJNJjaAa/
“It could be a bear, or a cat. Let’s get the hell out of here!”
Man fuck it. We about gave this shit a 1 star rating, but nostalgia and alcohol are playing heavy factors into not doing that.
Not to mention, it’s really not that bad, it’s just no where near as good as the original.
The dialogue and camera work are very reminiscent of the previous film, but it just doesn’t contain the same spark.
For example, we get a really cool opening in Witchboard 1. A party scene where we’re introduced to all the main players and character dynamics, accompanied by a bitchin’ score.
The sequel opens up to a neutered version of the OG theme song, followed by seeing our main heroine moving into an apartment. Just doesn’t come out of the gate swinging with cool vibes as its predesccesor did.
I get it, it’s a sequel, but with none of us not being in the driver seat, we can only speculate why we received such a watered down copycat of a “film”.
Like bust this, remember Zarabeth? She’s the psychic who got straight rekt by Malfador in OG Witchboard. Right from the jump we’re treated to a hippy chick who appears like a fucking Dollar Tree version of Zarabeth, minus the psychic powers. It makes sense once you see it.
The movie also reviews the rules of using the Ouija as if you hadn’t seen the first film. They hit all the talking points such as bringing up the Ouija origins in 540 B.C., and progressive entrapment etc.
Moving forward I want to point out that they really drove home the simp level of douchery here, check out this exchange paraphrased below as an example:
“Wouldn’t want me to call the police right?”
“Pleb I am the law!”
“Hold up what’s your badge # again? I want to tattle”
Our hero happens to find a Ouija board in her apartment, belonging to the previous tenant. The board is linked to the spirit of this former tenant.
The spirit that contacts…hold up what’s this bitches name…..Oh yeah Paige. Paige is contacted by a spirit of a murdered girl who wants to reign down some demonic vengeance on her killers.
To spoil it, fuck it who cares; anyway, super simp Russell (the tattler above) killed Susan (the spirit) and covered it up.
The other murders Susan commits are related to people who used and abused her, i.e. Russell’s brother in law invoked slum lord privilege (not a real thing unless your broke as fuck) by taking that pussy for payment when money was not an option.
The landlord kill is pretty lulzy, think phantasm orb, but circular saw blade chasing a backwoods Mario. Though its not the saw that kills him, the chase is pretty funny.
I think Elaine, the discount Zarabeth (that’s as kind a compliment as we can give) May have known about the abuse even though she acts like a clueless sperg stuck in 1969, or maybe it was a combination of her trying to throw out the Ouija, who the hell knows.
Her death is the most epic in the entire movie, it’s funny as hell and you're just like "what the fuck?!" when it happens.
Remember how in the last movie we had the Mega Powers of Brandon and Jim struggling thru their broken friendship and heartache? We don’t get that here.
Instead, we have conflict between Paige’s current boyfriend Mitch, and super simp cock guzzler Russell.
No comparison, I imagine the writer wrote what he knew, and what he knew apparently, is losing a friend and having shitty conversations related to that kind of fallout.
Fuck I think we’ve honestly wrote more about this piece of shit, than the original and that’s just wrong.
There is one saving grace and it relates to the previous film with Jim and Brandon.
We are treated to an ending where it appears the former med student, turned construction worker, turned garbage man Jim; has finally had a child with Linda and named him Brandon in honor of his old friend.
I guess the demonic trashing of the apartment complex from the last flick bankrupted our hero. Jim is also with Mike from the first movie, working the dump truck route.
Good to see this kind of tie in, regardless how brief.
It makes sense when you see it and brings closure to the first films story arc, which was left somewhat open ended at it's conclusion.
FINAL WORD –
MRHELLBOX: It’s basically Episode VII from Star Wars but better. I remember this being way cooler when I was a teenager, sadly it's not. It’s like looking at old porn you used to jack off to and wonder wtf you were thinking. – 2/5
Schlong Long: Well it depends on what type of porn you were looking at bro. Vintage women are the best women. Speaking of vintage guess no one gonna talk about the Daryl Hannah look alike? Bitch named Carla, holla if ya hear me. – 2/5
Prince Pectorals: Ya know I thought the plague of simps was just a modern problem but looking back; we were already filled to the brim with these fucks. – 2/5