Sharing Our Pain // It's Good To Be Back!

2년 전
in life

Hey friends :) Long time, no see!

me 7.31.jpg

So obviously I've been straight up MIA without much explanation.

Sometimes I can be like the guy that sneaks out of the party unnoticed, like a stealthy and socially awkward ninja.

I will say I have missed you all quite a lot... and TBH, I was completely surprised by how many awesome Steemit/DTube homies reached out to check in on me over the past few months (you guys know who you are).

I want y'all to know that it means a lot to me AND it most definitely has influenced me to come back to my lovely Steemit family and home.

So why did I leave?

Hm, that's a tough question but I'll be direct and concise: it's been one of the most challenging years of my life.

I've been pushed to my limits mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually, financially, socially - pretty much every fucking way you could push a human being, I've been there.

Of course those "limits" were merely parts of myself that needed to become a bit more "un-limited", thus I'm grateful for all that has transpired.

However, that doesn't take away from the fact that sometimes I feel like I'm riding the crazy train through a dark and strange labyrinth of life.

During these times I found it very difficult to share anything at all - especially when everything feels a bit stranger than fiction.

The past week has been some of my darkest times.

My will to continue living was most definitely challenged and - let's just be honest - that's a real shitty place to be.

I've felt lost, alone, confused, nostalgic, hurt, sad... you name it, I felt it.

But hey, today I'm here and I'm smiling.

I'm feeling inspired, I'm feeling alive, I'm feeling ready to take on a whole new approach.

And you know what it was that actually catalyzed this shift in me?

It was the mere recognition that I am not alone.

That I am not the only one experiencing pain.

Over the past week, one of my best friends has been keeping me updated about an incredibly tough situation that she has been experiencing.

We've been supporting each other through our lives and I found it interesting that whenever my friend would share her tough experiences with me, I would immediately feel better.

It's like a part of me could finally find space to heal by offering that space to another.

It's like my friend's pain could be shared pain.

In these moments I realized that I didn't have to do this alone.

And that realization was deeply comforting.

Thus, with that golden nugget of wisdom now in my left shirt pocket (just over my heart), I feel inspired to share and provide a space to share.

It's the one thing I know that really works, and I want to share that gift.

So for now, I'm back, and I'm going to be sharing in ways that feel good to me.

My intention is to write and/or record simple, sincere parts of me.

You know, stuff that doesn't take half of your day to read or watch (old axios would not approve lol)

And stuff that is real and relatable.

The longer I live the more I long to be real and have a space for that realness to exist.

Realness is rare because it requires vulnerability, trust, and an absolute fuck-ton of courage.

And since it is often devoid of an agenda and not often supported by the masses, a compassionate "fuck off" to the status quo and social norms is often a necessity as well - hence the hefty dose of courage.

I guess that's what we call "the truth" in this day and age.

And it's this truth which - when shared - burns, transforms, and produces a beautiful warmth of energy.

And it's THAT beauty in which I am wanting.

It's THAT love that is what I'm remembering.

It is THAT in which I AM!



So yes, hello again friends. It's so good to be back. I look forward to sharing with you more consistently! I have one question for you before I go: How are you?

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That was very beautifully written ma man. I don't know the specifics of what you're going through but I would dare to say I went through the same issues or I should say the same side effects of having challenges that overwhelm someone. You can say I tore myself down to discover scary truths about myself. And it's true the truth will set you free. But I can tell you this helped me alot.

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@gabbyg86! Man it doesn't surprise me to hear that you can relate to this. I so appreciate the share here and dayum man it's good to hear from you! I will def check out this vid when I have a moment. I've never heard of Dandipani (loving that name haha) but am most definitely interested.

But hey, today I'm here and I'm smiling.

We're glad for it. There's possibility (and high probability) that challenging times still lie ahead, and similarly, possibility for a positive outlook in the midst of it. But we must continue on to have any possibility to find the positive, to have opportunity to experience anything. Stoicism and acknowledging personal locus of control for the present allows us to shape our futures. It seems this post is a confirmation to keep investing in your truest vision of you. I felt very compelled to thank you for sharing this, as you and I are not alone in this battle and you do have a gift for delivering such messages. So at whatever size doses you dole out, looking forward to the return of @axios.

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It seems this post is a confirmation to keep investing in your truest vision of you.

Fuck yes! That rings so true to me as does the essence of what you share here @thedreamsteem. You are so right, it is most definitely not the end of challenges, but it certainly is a time to recognize that I am still taking steps forward and shaping my future each step of the way. I'm so pumped to see/hear that you are as well. Thank you for taking the time to share your confirmations with me :)

Welcome back. Missed you bro!

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Good to see you @camuel and missed you too brother! :)

This is really a delight to read in terms of what message you share, and also a delight to know you're back and willing to continue sharing bits of your experience! :)

I'd say this year has been a tough time for quite a people - from what I've heard around and felt myself. I'd say I've gone through a lot, too, lately: with all that intensity & dynamics in school/career/personal life, but I'd never give up any of that. There have been some hurtful experiences and hard-to-grasp revelations about my life, as well as life itself, but they've all just expanded my understanding and acceptance of things. Like you said previously - just growing pains.

I can also sympathize with not wanting to share things, personally, I'm as much extrovert as I am introvert, and lately my spark for content creation has been overwhelmed by all which has passed, is still passing, and is to be processed. Sometimes guilt mixes in over not actively participating in this community, and that makes the loop of procrastination-remorse worse, but I'm sure I'll soon get back to creating and getting in touch with everyone. I also kind of want to get back to writing - it's always been one of my favourite expressions, the skill I so aspire to improve.

We all share dark journeys, we're never alone in that, and it's wonderful you've found solace in tuning in to others! And the best thing about darkness is that it makes light easier to find.

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@art.life It's so great to hear from you Kate! You definitely popped into my mind as I was writing this. A subtle internal whisper of "I hope Kate sees this one" literally came to me lol. So naturally I was pleased to see and hear your strength and wisdom follow suite :)

but they've all just expanded my understanding and acceptance of things.

The concepts of understanding and acceptance have most definitely been a thing for me as well. Understanding is one of the hardest things sometimes merely from the fact that it takes time, experience, and so much patience to really "get it". Thankfully, once you get it, you don't forget it! Acceptance is that other one that can make you cringe BUT ultimately is the mothership of love and IMO, what humanity strives for.

I also kind of want to get back to writing - it's always been one of my favourite expressions, the skill I so aspire to improve.

Me too. For realz. It makes a big difference. I've missed it. Writing is actually how Steemit began for me. I miss the depth that you can explore with it. I'm looking forward to reading whatever you throw down, whenever that may be.

And the best thing about darkness is that it makes light easier to find.

Efff yesss. Makes me think about how my day yesterday and how absolutely dark is was, yet today it was so easy to find that light.

Thanks for being an easy to find light, Kate :)

YEEEESSSS! The legendary Axios is back. Sorry you have had an extremely trying year. We are here to support you my friend. Much love and thank you for sending me this post 💪🏻😀

-Ken

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@kenmelendez I feel the love brother. I'm also a big fan of your commitment to this community. Thank you so much for reaching out and offering your love and support. Means so much bro :)

Love ya, bud. Good to see a post from ya

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@kevinli! Bro! Great to see you man. Looking forward to tuning in and seeing the evolution of your vidz ;-)

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the evolution has stopped for my videos haha

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Nooooooooo (I don't believe you :P )

Realness is rare because it requires vulnerability, trust, and an absolute fuck-ton of courage.

And since it is often devoid of an agenda and not often supported by the masses, a compassionate "fuck off" to the status quo and social norms is often a necessity as well - hence the hefty dose of courage.

Such true words. The fact of realness being "devoid of an agenda" seems to be the most triggering. Have you ever experienced that "what are you up to...?" look when you're simply sharing your heart? I've often experienced just making a statement out of love and being met with that pausing glare, as if they are trying to read between the lines for the agenda underneath. Often this is followed by them quickly changing the topic to something more "exciting." I'm left feeling somewhat of a void in that moment.

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Have you ever experienced that "what are you up to...?" look when you're simply sharing your heart?

I feel you there @digitalfae! That is the worst. I used to have a few friends who would look for the agenda as well, oftentimes it was because they were holding an agenda lol.

One thing I've also discovered for myself is that sometimes when I am shining my brightest and coming from the deepest depths, I am also quite misunderstood (as I was saying earlier). But that quickly shifts whenever I notice that these "misunderstandings" may also be things that I don't understand about myself... and once I clear that energy up, then those sort of contradictions to truth and love happen less, and I'm more often met with compassion and all those good yummy things that life has to offer.

I'm fucking great. Thanks for asking :) How are you?
I've missed you brother, welcome back. I do know the space you're describing.
To not know it, I feel would be sadder than knowing it.
You've always been one of my greatest mentors on this platform, and you know why ^^
I've used your absence to creep up on you, reputation wise, as you may have noticed :P
I'd still love to do some kind of collab with you too bro, if you're still up for it?
Reachout on discord, if you see me online,
Peace & Love my friend :)

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@bobaphet!!! Brother it's such a pleasure to reconnect. I've missed you too man and so appreciate your love and support. That video you had sent me was quite interesting and relevant at the time (so thank you for that). I love seeing the progress man! Woo-wee!

Definitely down to collab however at this moment in time I'm feeling a need to take it slow and easy. So right now I just want to establish a simple routine that feels good. Once I feel centered in that then YES, lets definitely collab it up :)

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Any amount of @axios, is a good amount :)
Peace.