Being "nice" is up for me again.
My mom wanted me to tolerate a religious conversation that was heading a hundred miles an hour down a dark alley that was about to lead to a cliff. "Blood of the lamb," "hell," "the devil," "thinking a man is attractive is sin" followed by questions that I didn't know how to answer that could only lead to one place: going off the side of the cliff. There would be no turning back from there.
Now listen, I'm not one to shy away from people's strong opinions. I'm fascinated by people. I want to know all about their belief systems. I'm no shrinking violet. I can handle some very intense topics and conversations.
But I could see that where this was leading was no good.
So I raised my index finger as if to say, "one second please," and I walked away inside my mom's house and sat down.
This bothered my mom. I made them uncomfortable! They were SO concerned that they offended me!
They didn't. I just didn't want to be there. And I've learned when to back away.
I've learned to follow my own heart.
I've learned to follow my own guidance.
I've learned that I'm not here to appease and accommodate anyone else.
I've learned that I come first and that my reponsibility is to myself.
My mom brought this up continuously over the week. I could have handled it better. Other people's opinions don't matter and I should just listen with interest. I could have just blocked it out. She would send me a video of my favorite teacher that could give me insight about how I could have handled it better.
So finally I put the topic to rest. "I'm not here to appease anyone else, and I'm going to do what I want."
There's something extra magical about sharing your transformation with the person who taught you the thing you had to transform. If they transform it, too, you're extra free of it.
"Nice" is really up for me.
I've been sitting in a Women's Intuitive Business Sacred Circle for three weeks with a woman who knows. what. she. wants.
She says her inner child is a bitchy brat who has to have her way.
Ooh, how dangerous.
What is a bitch?
How thrilling and risque even to sit in that energy. What if she were to declare that her adult self is a bitch? What would that mean? It sounded terrible and awesome. But also enticing. Juicy.
What is a bitch?
I rolled around the question. And I came to an answer. A bitch is someone who knows EXACTLY what they want and NOTHING will stand in their way.
Ooooooh that's not nice.
I like to play with character traits. I've held classes on being fierce and audacious. I like to experiment with the energy of being soft. A great part of the Tao Te Ching is dedicated to this concept.
But it's so fun to be a human and experiment with different energies. We can use them at different times in our lives.
We don't have to hold strong to any one. Becuase life is always flowing.
We're all many things. We're soft at one time, a bitch at another. Maybe both at once.
It's fun to play with opposites. Soft. Bitch. Between the two is a wonderful balance.
Do you have an inner bitch?
What would she or he do?
What does he or she want?
How would he or she get it?
What would he or she say?.
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