What am I looking for? (tell me what's going to be next)

지난달

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Yes, this question has been coming up again recently and I am not so sure how to answer it.


Life has been going in circles and ups and downs and this year has been quite a strange roller coaster not only for myself but for many of us. Fortunately I don't know anyone who has been hit really hard by this epidemic but of course it has influenced my life a lot. I am spending most of my days at home in front of the screen and working from my little office space which is also the storage room of our little house. At the beginning it was rather exciting and of course also challenging to get everything done without leaving the house or meeting anyone face to face,but somehow I got used to it and so far nobody was complaining. So far so good!

But I do miss human interaction, Zoom is not a long-term alternative for meeting people face to face. Maybe being stuck in this little room is putting me down more and more. Now when the days get colder I need to close the window and can't even get a feeling of the outside anymore. And it is also getting darker much earlier than before, which isn't a help either. So sitting here at home my mind is walled-in as well and starts bringing up more and more questions which someday require an answer.

I guess the last years I have been doing alright, but I also feel stuck here at this side of the world. I got myself too comfortable to forget what I had been looking for all years before. There is still some longing inside myself, which hasn't been met and which is constantly growing. Right now I am not able to completely decipher the code and read and understand it clearly, but maybe soon it will be time again to get out of here and to start looking again for the place I really belong too. I actually have been planning on going back where I come from, I have several good reasons which support this plan but on the other hand I am sure, this is not what I really want.

I need to listen deep inside myself and figure out where and what I will be next. Life gives us many chances to invent ourselves again and again, and we shouldn't waste those great opportunities to give something new a try and see where it may take us.

Right now I am good where I am, it's a steady and rather safe place which provides for many of my needs. I am in no hurry to fly out again, but the world is in motion and so I am. Who knows, maybe I can find here some new inspirations. So far the ride here was mostly entertaining and already helped me to broaden my horizon.

What else is possible?


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