Divergence #3

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I stared over the kitchen table at the good lady. She matched my gaze, pound for pound. By now I felt like we were dancing an old and familiar dance.

So... What is this?

I lifted the spoon from the clear, greenish liquid in the bowl in front of me and let it drip back into the bowl. The liquid had a herbal almost grassy scent to it. Far different from the usual donkey shit I was forced to eat in the name of good health.

The good lady flicked some stray hair out of her face and smiled like a shark eating a bucket of kittens.

It's Tea Water. The Doula group say it's going to be the next big thing.

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I angled my head downward at her as if ploughing through a cold wind.

Tea Water... But, isn't that just Tea then?

Her chair scraped noisily as she jerked back from my words.

No, it's Tea Water. It is an entirely different thing.

She said, her mouth creased up like an otter drinking through a straw.

She seemed annoyed. Never the less, I could not let this one go.

But Tea is tea and water. So isn't tea water, tea?

She stood, visibly trembling with anger.

No, it most certainly is not the same thing. This...

She lifted her own spoon out of her now empty bowl and slammed it back down with a clang.

This is a careful selection of herbs and botanics infused in warmed water for a set amount of time. It is very good for you. Because of the phenols.

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She lifted her empty bowl and stalked off to the sink with her nose raised contemptuously high in the air.

Well, this was a new one. I didn't mind tea at all. I had a taste. It was pretty much green tea and quite pleasant. Not even slightly socky.

I downed the bowl as if it were a shot of tequila at a Spaniards wedding.

Gotta fly, chicken pie! I have some detectivising to be getting on with!

I got up and grabbed my Fedora, pulling it low over my eyes and headed for the door. It was time to get to the root of the mysterious case of the missing infra-guys from Ganymede.

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I stood outside our new office building, Ganymede.

The new office was a forlorn affair in the midst of an old industrial estate. Litter bedecked the cracked sidewalks around the crudely fenced off car-park. Nearby, a group of men huddled together, vaping by the looks of it although they might have been masturbating onto a biscuit.

I was looking for a clue.

I was also looking for a coffee. Inside the office the only coffee available was a dusty tub of instant.

I needed the real deal and had come outside in the hope of spying something that vaguely resembled a coffee shop. There was nothing, just a series of ramshackle buildings and men loitering about in high-viz vests.

It was a little like Paris.

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Nearby I saw a small van with an open side window. There was a small queue of people standing in front of it.

What the bloody hell was this?

I made my way over to it.

Above the side window there was a strange painting of a blue monster splashing about in water spurting brown shit out of a hole in its back. Below that were the crudely daubed words, Thar she Joes.

The van appeared to be selling coffee or at least something black and bitter, like the outflow of someone who had too much Iron in their diet.

I found myself at the top of the queue.

What does that mean?

I asked of the man serving, pointing at the sign.

The man wiped his hands on a grubby apron and grinned at me like an idiot with wet feet.

It's the name of my van. Thar she Joes! Get it? Like Thar she blows, but with Joes instead of blows. You know, Joe, like in coffee?

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I frowned as if he were a chimpanzee sneaking into my South African hotel room to steal something.

I'm not sure I get you, what does that have to do with a picture of a monster doing a watery shit hanging on your van?

It's a fucking whale you cheeky bastard, not a monster doing a watery shit!?

The grubby aproned man yelled, his smile not so apparent now.

Well, why have you got a picture of a whale doing a watery shit on your van then?

I asked.

It's coffee!!! Not shit!?!

He roared angrily.

Oh, can I have a skinny latte with an extra shot then, please?

No you fucking cannot you cheeky bastard. You are fucking barred from here. Go! Get to fuck!

He waved at me furiously to leave.

I nodded thoughtfully.

A man like me needed coffee to survive. To think. Here I was trapped in the barren, cafe-less landscape of Ganymede and the only place selling the brown gold I needed to function had spuriously decided to bar me from their establishment.

Well, well, well. Coincidence? I don't believe in coincidence.

It looked like they had gotten to the man in the monster shit van.

This case was proving to be a tough nut to crack. But at least I knew I must be getting close...

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Thar she joes! That's quite spirited, isn't it? Pretty perky, if you ask me. I feel like I have a pun brewing, but I'm running a bit latte. I have the espresso train to catch!

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Oh oh oh!! Perky!!! Like something percolating!! Oh my word! I need to lie down! :0)

Well, well, well.

I see we still haven't cured you.

But yes, I most certainly agree with you. They really need to work on their logo, and the pun in the name... Quietly shudders

Loudly Shudders


grinned at me like an idiot with wet feet.

I... have no idea what that means, and I'm not sure I want to know.

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Well, well, well. Indeed and verily so!!

It is perhaps the worst logo I have ever seen. It deserved much shaking of the head.

You most certainly don't want to know... And nice seeing your face about, as it were :0)

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Sorry 'bout that absence, my life... has been a life. I'll try to pop 'round more often from here on out though maybe not as much as last year.

And this:

Aren't phenols toxic? Hmm...

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Oh, I know about life and it's ways. It's no bother, we are all where need to be so they say

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AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!

Sorry 'bout that. I started typing a post, a fun little writing exercise. Got about halfway through, my computer crashes... but not to worry, I saved the file. Power back up, click on the file... seems to be somehow corrupted, can't open. Now it's vanished. It was only like 40 minutes of work, but it's just so frustrating...

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Anyways. Maybe I'll be back tomorrow, at this point I have neither the time nor the inclination to type up another one.

Maybe I should just post this though... We'll see.

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I saw the post but when I try to click it it tells me that it doesn't exist. Is it having me on?

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Not really sure. Same thing happened to me. But it worked when I right clicked, then hit open in new tab...

I'm at least proud of my post for being a bit of a cheeky bastard in its own right.

What happened to the customer is always right? Time to solve the case and get out of that dump. I would bring your Thursday post forward and blow up that van.

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It could do with it. I have tasted the muck it sells. I would be ashamed to call it coffee!

LOL. I know what it means to work without a drop of coffee on top! Many times I have wished for coffee and only found dirty sock water. So no hero fights for justice.

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It should quite literally be illegal to work without it!!

So says an addict. Lol

'Tea water'!...Hilarious!

Also, I love your imagery:

like a shark eating a bucket of kittens.

This is like me, in my carb eating days, but replace a bucket of kittens with a table full of pies and cakes and it'd be just about similar. I think my eyes even slid back in my head like they do when a shark devours it's 'prey' and boy did Carbs tremble when I swam into their view :)

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Hehe, that sounds a bit like me. Although I try to keep a lid on iti can be a carb monster when I let loose!!!

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Why o why would your anger the coffee guy??? 'I frowned as if he were a chimpanzee sneaking into my South African hotel room to steal something. '
Let me not even start by telling you the amount of shit that hit the fan here when they put a little black boy in a tshirt saying something about a monkey. Soooooooooooo sick of people that want to stir and cause problems in our country - most of us are really not hateful people. People must stop blaming the past and rather see what they are fucking up now.... making their own people poor. Anyhoo let me not get worked up. You go do your detection.

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Hehe, I didn't even know about that. I only had it on a friend who stayed in Cape Town I think it was and said that the were monkeys stealing things from their hotel rooms!

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O yes we have that if we visit the bush and places along the coast as well - cheeky little buggers and so innovative.

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I suspect the infra people are on a Quest for Coffee. After all, he who controls the coffee ...

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CONTROLS THE EUROS WORLD!!

Hello @meesterboom, thank you for sharing this creative work! We just stopped by to say that you've been upvoted by the @creativecrypto magazine. The Creative Crypto is all about art on the blockchain and learning from creatives like you. Looking forward to crossing paths again soon. Steem on!

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Thank you!

It's a wonder he didn't have a little..... canister where you just put your cup under the whale's tail for a fill up.....LOL....

You talked yourself out of that one. It might be a good thing.

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I tried it, someone else got a round in later. It's awful!

Working without coffee?? No thanks, it's impossible! I start my morning with a double dose of coffee! And I choose the Coffee that has the highest coffee content! Can't live or function without it... It's impossible! I sometimes can go with green tea, but I need to take three times as much...

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I am exactly the same, needs must and all that!!

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Woke up just now and I'm already drinking my coffee! I'm not religious, but only a god could have thought about something as great as coffee!!

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Haha, I concur!

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howdy sir meesterboom! THEY get to everyone don't they sir? You just can't trust anyone and then there's no coffee there? That's the worst kind of conspiracy! Maybe you should double up on that Tea Water!

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Haha, that works be the worst doubling up EVER!

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ha! hey I thought that stuff tasted good this time because you like tea and you scarfed it down!

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@meesterboom hello dear friend, things are changing quickly, we must adapt to the updates, now it is tea water and business owners are right, being customers has no benefit.
I wish you a wonderful evening dear friend

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I know, surely we both reneger a time when a business owner would agree with us in order to keep us sweet!!

Tea water? Is this an 'other timeline' thing? Haha, tea water, hahahaaa, well at least it's not as bad as 'thar she joes'!

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Thar She Joe's, it's class!!!

Tea Water seems to be a thing. I can't fathom it, it's actually sweet with honey and weird. Whilst it didn't beat flower water,I do continue to be amazed at the pish Doulas come out with!

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