Yoga!

4년 전

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The good lady looked up from our squalling little boom.

It's no use Daddy bear, he is just really unsettled. You will have to take the little lady to Family Yoga.

I chewed at an imaginary fig.

What do you mean by that? 'Take her to family Yoga?'? I mean, I can take her sure but I won't have to do anything will I?

The good lady threw me shade.

Yes Daddy bear. You will have to take her and participate in the Yoga. It will be fun. Anyway, it's only two hours.

Two hours?!?

I screeched like a Bonobo monkey denied intercourse.

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And so I found myself opening the door to the Family Yoga with the little lady in tow.

The Yoga lady came over. All smiles and wavy hand gestures.

Oh wow, who do we have here today!

It's Daddy!

Responded the little lady enthusiastically, jumping up and down.

I stood, solid, un-moving and inclined my head slightly. I have watched enough Prison dramas to know how to handle myself in this kind of situation.

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'Sup

I grunted.

Yoga lady closed in and held a fingertip on each of my shoulders.

So guarded! Don't worry, we will sort you out! Take a mat, any one you like!

I rolled my head on my shoulders. Guarded? That's because I don't want to get shanked in the shower block baby.

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Pfft. I sauntered towards the mats. Remembering my Prison drama education I looked around for the biggest and the meanest inmate. There. Ten Tonne Tess. I made my way over, the little lady in tow.

I plonked down on the mat next to Ten Tonne and nodded casually at her.

'Sup

She smiled happily at me. I wasn't fooled. She had been in this game too long and could recognise a power grab when she saw one.

Oh my goodness me? Is that your daughter? Hello little girl, what's your name?

She enquired of the little lady.

Was she threatening my own flesh and blood? Oh yeah, we had a player here alright. I knew I would have to take her down to safeguard my family as well as become top dog.

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I grunted and sat down on the mat like a Lion after a particularly tasty gazelle. The Yoga lady started us off pretending to be animals in various positions. I carried them all out with a watchful eye on Ten Tonne who approached all of the moves with a slow insolence. Yeah, she was going down.

About twenty minutes in, I saw my chance. We were doing Downward dog or some rubbish and I had felt the gases of Hades build up. I glanced around. No-one was watching.

I racked up a silent but violent into the chamber and then let it hiss out malevolently. Again, no-one noticed. I loaded another and let it loose just to be sure.

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The lady to the opposite of Ten Tonne jerked as if stung then she twitched and glared around as if maddened by flies. I jerked too, then wrinkled my face up as though I too was eating bum biscuits.

By now more people were joining in, silently retching and looking around for the perpetrator of the noxious gas that was catching in the back of everyone's throats. Now it was time to make my move.

I caught several peoples eyes at once and made a boak face and jerked my head at Ten Tonne knowingly. The message spread like subliminal wildfire.

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Ten Tonne looked up ponderously. Her mouth hanging open in disgust at the arse toffee in the air, then she noticed the disgusted glances being thrown her way by everyone. Including me.

It wasn't me?

She mouthed silently.

I made a scoffing motion and shook my head at her.

It was done, she was finished here. Afterward several of the mummies gathered round to introduce themselves. I accepted their tribute whilst watching Ten Tonne slink out in disgrace.

I'm the Daddy now.

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I really admire the ways in which you handle everyday situations dear friend really a man experienced in managing difficult situations.
How great was your day dear friend @meesterboom, I must admit that I never had the opportunity to learn Yoga.
Thank you for another great reading, I wish you a good start to the week

Námaste

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Someone took a photo of me! Damn paparazzi!! ;0) Cheers @jlufer all the best to you!

  ·  4년 전

Silent but violent ... you’re killing me man. Seriously. I Lol’d.

Also Yoga ?! I think I’m feeling a little bit more blessed with 2 sons than I already did. Mooning dog my ass. Nobody wants to see a mooning dog. Or a crooked swan or whatever.

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Exactly! I never wanted to see that nonsense either. I was always happy when the good lady took the little one or four their Sunday yoga nonsense and I could chill. Then I am thrust into it today, aiyeee!!

ROFL I wish I had been a fly on the wall! This is one way to get out of yoga class next time. I am sure the little lady will spill the beans...
My sons (all four) used to do this in the car on extended trips...

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Oh noes, dont say that. I can only imagine the upcoming horror as my son gets older and he joins the little lady in the car fart dance!

Ur hilarious man, booming hilarious!

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Ba-boom!! Lol, I try to keep it up!

Ahahaha! Started from "I don't want to go" now we're here. Nobody does a power grab like you, Boomerang! It's these lessons where I feel the little lady learns from. Precious daddy-daughter moments that determine the fate of the free world. Who knew? Well, in a couple of decades, I guess the answer to that is "I did". Serves Ten Tonne right for thinking she could go toe to toe with the Boomdawg!

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She is probably at home right now plotting how she can come back from this. Well the answer to the ten tonne is no how!! :OD

it has to be dog in the year of the dog. :-) even yoga.

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Hehe, you are so very correct!!

Savagely fumigated the air with a Silent But Violent.......... Man ........Animalistic !

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It all boils down to the animal in the end :0D

so wicked!

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Heheh, just a touch! :O)

LMAO! "Bonobo monkey being denied intercourse" and "bum biscuits" ... hahahaha! @meesterboom, you are hilarious! LOL.

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hahahaha, Bum Biscuits! I only type it if it makes me laugh! :O)

The Boomster brought her down to Chinatown LOL! just like Robert De Niro!

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Thats right I bought her down! lol

I read it out aloud to my wife. We wet ourselves! Good one mate!

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Haham that's smashing, I'm happy to hear that it entertained! :O)

Yeah, Good to see you doing Yoga,
Yoga helps you maintain happy face throughout the day,
Yoga helps you to refresh you :)
Always beneficial for our health.

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And it makes you fart!

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Haha yeah it clear stomach problems

HA! I would try this but Im afraid that i dont have enough experience to insure a silent blast. Mine always seem to have the "yep, it was definitely that guy" sound. Oh well practice makes perfect

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Well, to be perfectly fair it was probably more coincidence than anything else that they didn't make a giant parping trumpet noise on the way out!

My hubby was in a Yoga class for some years (when he was young ^^), but Paolo loves to stay in silence (more than me ^^) and maybe it was the only way to stay in silence because in that time he lived with her mother and 2 young sisters :D

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Hahah, in that case even more it is necessary to keep it silent!! hehe

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HAhah, never will I have such a dull tale ;O)

Kiddy yoga! I could maybe manage that. I could pretend to be a lion. A couple of years ago, I thought it would be a good idea to go to a local yoga class. But although I knew I was quite stiff and would be bad, I was way worse than I ever imagined. (You forget how old you are.) It was so dispiriting that at the end of the class when she asked how i went, I burst into tears. I did go back for a while, and got a little better, but the truth is, I just don't enjoy it.

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OH man, poor you, that would be hard. You do forget and underestimate your fitness level. I think I might like adult yoga but the kiddy/family one...meh

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Although at the time I felt a right idiot, bursting into tears, now I just laugh at myself for it, so all good.

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Those are the best ones aren't they. The ones you can look back at on and laugh

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If we can't laugh at ourselves, life could get pretty grim. Or at least seem grim.

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Oh it works, that's why I try to spend as much time as I have laughing or being an idiot!

You're a savage boomer! Poor Tess bites the dust...

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One must always maintain maximum savage!

And the award goes to.....

@meesterboom

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It is, it's me!! So me!!

Haha!!! You were so mean, Meesterboom blaming Ten Tonnes for farting when actually you were the one who did it. I like how you described yourselves farting. Upvoted!

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Well, one must share the blame ;0)

Wait until next time you have to take "Little Lady".
You will either have to change your diet to change the odorous weapons aroma or go to the other side of the room where your previous attack was not noticed.
In between times, what sort of a father would damage his own daughters breathing systems is such a foul way? the others can move away, your daughter has to stay by you and suffer.
However, just think of the future, when she goes to school and tells her new mates about her father, who can empty a [by then it will have grown a bit] whole stadium with one fart.
You will become even more famous.

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She is well used to it. In fact there are so many noxious fumes in the house I am surprised she can breathe regular air ;0)

I have to say I’m impressed by your tactics! Well played and even more impressive it would seem is your ability to control the volume of your farts!!

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They call me the whisperer...

;O)

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Of course you know what they are called where I come from? SBDs: silent but deadly

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Hehe, yes indeed, they are called that here too!

I'm not sure I can do better than Booming hilarious, haha, but, the fart transfer is a classic! One I know well, it's a famous mama and papa dreemit story in fact, hahaha, you'll have to ask ;)

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I shall ask indeed. Or you could tell it via the medium of steemit and do your toes in that funny tag. In fact even the comedy open mic!! ;0)

Deftly handled, like a master. Drama, intrigue, bum biscuits - what more could an audience want?

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I have often pondered these things, there is little more to life than frama, intrigue and of course... bum biscuits!

My grandmother always said - we can dress you up but take you no where - does the shoe fit hahaha

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And if the shoe fits!!!

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You will still go out because you give us so much entertainment

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I try my best to document all my life's foibles!

Definitely friend @meesterboom, You have no arrangement, you are evil ... poor Ten Tonnes despised and rejected by all... And the Little Lady knows that You are the main suspect in that noxious gas, Care! She can betray you and now You would not be the Daddy but the suspicious daddy ... Very good and funny episode Meesterboom. Greetings.

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Cheers! The little lady would never betray me hehe. Hopefully

Oh my word. That's too much. There are plenty of silent, deadly killers around here but if either of my two sons goes to Yoga before they turn 18, I'm running for the hills! :)

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And I think you would be absolutely right too!! :OD

Ahh yoga. My friends and I found ways to martial it because we're apparently a violent mob.

I almost want to look up what a Bonobo monkey denied intercourse sounds like, but I'm too scared XD Wait how do you know what that sounds like?

goatsig

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Perhaps I spent time with the bonobos denying them intercourse!!

;0)

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For science? o_O

goatsig

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Ultimately, it's all for science!

Good thing I'm working from home or people would've thought I'm crazy laughing my head off lol!

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Working from home does have its advantages!! :0)

Hilarious, nice getaway.

  ·  4년 전

I don't think you need to blame it on your self , it's not easy to avoid temptation sometimes

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Hehe, true indeed

Haha, nice save.
Just blame it on someone else and get away with it :)

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But of course!

You should have ran. Fight or Flight XD

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Never run!

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Yeah, but releasing gas and poisoning children, do that, right? XDD

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Yeah!, Valuable life lessons ;O)

woi is very beautiful. i hope you can vote me and I invite you to vote me!! Awesome upvote?

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Leaving comments asking for votes, follows, or other self promotional messages could be seen as spam.

Your Reputation Could be a Tasty Snack with the Wrong Comment!

Thank You! ⚜

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It is awesome!! I have washed and bathed in it and now I am just smeling it .Mmmm

Hahaha. You're so bad man. You must have enjoyed it a lot when everybody was glancing at her and she could't utter a word to clarify.

Nasty story.

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Nasty but joyous! :O)

@meesterboom Don't forget to check my latest post :p

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I did! I am not a big fan of lady fixing stuff though so I didnt vote for that one sorry

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Oh :( it's ok no problem. :(

I went to yoga for about 6 months before I moved too far away from a gym. It was the weirdest thing. You could yawn, fart, burp, whatever and the leader (they didn't call him a teacher, who knows why?) would conscientiously explain how it is a natural way for the body to function. It was a little too unAmerican for my comfort level. Maybe that's prejudicial?