Sigh. But okay. Life is good even when it's not.

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It has been a hell of a week. My job is rather frowned-upon, to say the least. Lunch lady. It's the most insulted profession there is besides janitor and proctologists. Probably. Adam Sandler did not help matters much. I hate the label. Sloppy Joe jokes make me frustrated.

In reality, I am a kitchen worker at a magnet school. It's the number 1 rated school in Tennessee, actually. I bake cookies. I feed children. No shame in that. I make a difference.

I get to see my daughter every day at her lunch break. We do a secret little wave thing that isn't quite noticeable as she walks through. It means "I love you" in our own mother/daughter language. She is 13, so reputation is a big deal. Waving at mommy every day could be kind of damaging I guess.

Do you want to see why I work my frowned-upon job? This is why. Here is my reason. Look at us. We are a team, she and I. She is my best friend. For now she says that I am also hers. I hold onto that sentiment in my darkest moments. She is my whole reason for being. Here's my Emma, and me.. through the years.

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She is the most beautiful thing in the whole world to me. And I would do anything for her and not complain about it. But sometimes I do have moments of lowness.

For instance, something happened the other day. As it turns out, one of the photography studios where I used to work is now the photography company that does class pictures for the same school where I work now.

And the other day after they had been there shooting pictures, I was taking the trash out behind the kitchen and throwing it into the dumpster. At one point, I was kind of having a little bit of trouble because the bag was so heavy. I was trying so hard to push the bag into the little opening in the dumpster and it just wouldn't go.

I became frustrated and just let it fall to the ground, and sighed, and stood there a moment, trying very hard not to cry, actually... and then I heard someone driving by and I looked to my left.

My ex-boss and his daughter just happened to be driving out of the parking lot at that exact moment, and we made eye contact and they waved and smiled. It was the kind of wave where they knew it was me, and they were surprised to see me there, working that job, when previously I was a highly -paid digital imaging tech at their studio. And they saw me in my moment of desperation. And they smiled and waved. That is what is so frustrating. Those smiles. The ones that say, "We are better."

I KNOW I should not worry what they think. And I don't . It's just that, in that moment, I felt like somewhat of a failure and I was momentarily embarrassed that anyone had seen me let the bag fall like that and to see the face I was making. And for it to be my ex-employer.. well, it was like the universe was being an asshole to me. A decent person might have stopped the van and asked if I needed help. But why help me? Just move along.

And again, I KNOW that I am not a failure.. you don't have to tell me I'm not a failure or give me a pep talk, I know it's often a decent person's first instinct to do so. I get it. I am doing the best that I can and I know it.

But I just felt so absolutely humiliated and defeated. Do you get me? Does it make sense to anyone? That feeling? Kinda like if you see someone you went to school with and they are a doctor now and you are a "lunch lady." That kind of feeling.

And, RANT.. why in the hell do dumpsters have such small openings on the side for throwing trash into? What the hell, dumpster makers????? It is so not cool.

Gotta go. Thanks for listening, if you did. You should know that it is Saturday now, and I have just taken a walk around the block, and watched birds fly, and listened to them sing. I am feeling good, and life is good, and I am grateful for every minute of it. Even the low ones, for they only make the good ones feel better.

Much love to you,

♥ - serena

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If you are not happy where you are the first step is to decide where you want to be. Step 2 is make an action plan to get there that you can execute on. Step 3 .... do it.

If you want some easy to give but hard to follow advise, look me up :)

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Magic Dice has rewarded your post with a 31% upvote. Thanks for playing Magic Dice.

I have found it useful to recognize that my assumptions about what others think are based on my own thinking, as I am incapable of reading minds. A few years ago I attained a transcendent epiphany that changed my reactions to events that seemed to be personally directed at me with malice aforethought. While my fear of failure before led me to become angry when bad things happened, now I pretty much laugh at them.

For some reason, when things go terrible wrong, my first instinct now is to laugh at my circumstance, and it seems the more difficult the challenge that seems insurmountable, or difficult to overcome, the harder and longer the urge to laugh is.

May you find joy in all your circumstances, whether seemingly good or ill. In truth, were there no adversity, we'd not grow. For every hard time we surmount, we are increased in competence and psychological robustness.

Thanks!

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Your daughter is beautiful, those are wonderful pictures you shared.

As for your week and your work, you are putting food on the table right. Whats wrong with that? I know people that scab from the state rather than work. U are a good person with a good heart. Dont ever feel ashamed of doing what you need to do for your family.

Sending hugs and warm wishes, next week will be better.

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  ·  작년

I LOVE YOU AND YOU ARE AWESOME
Your daughter is beautiful too!❤️

Never be ashamed of your job. It sounds awesome to be honest. You get to see your daughter which is a major plus. It’s needed and I’m sure everyone there appreciated you. Send me cookies...real ones. Not the digital ones you send me on discord. 😜

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Send me a mailing address...

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Oh Serena, I'm having one of those years too... But like you, I know my worth.

Much love

Posted using Partiko Android

Show me the dumpster! I'll have a word or two with it...

Besides that, what a pretty pair of pals! Sending you hugs and cookies too!

She’s mini you with curly blonde hair. That last picture is just stunning. You are fantastic and made decisions for you and your baby that work for you, so effff anyone else who looks down on that. ❤️

Posted using Partiko iOS

Life does not always go as planned, but it goes the way it is meant to!

We all have moments of lows, without the lows we cannot appreciate the highs, but then you have already said that 😉

Lovely heart warming pictures!

More positive news is that she is going to a great school! Especially if it’s the school I am thinking of! Life is good and your daughter makes it better. Keep grinding!!!

Posted using Partiko iOS

I totally understand that, I've been feeling pretty down on myself lately as well. I did go from a well paying job to working toward building a business and buying/selling and taking on odd jobs. The path has been very isolating. I realized recently I isolate myself by denying invitations from caring friends. I should reach out to seek help from friends and make time to be rejuvenated by people that uplift me. You're awesome Serena, I love your tunes. I had @amberyooper on my podcast today and listened to the song he created from your poem "Sunk Down to Hell". It's hard for me to relate to a ton of people now in our society, but I have found many like minded people here and enjoy chatting with my fellow steemians. The mainstream society is sick imo and I'm cool with leaving that behind, we are building a more voluntary and uplifting community here.

My first thought when I read this was that you are incredibly brave and how lucky your daughter is to have you as a mom!
I think it is important to remember that it isn't about the work that we do, but the people we are. And you are making the biggest contribution of all: being a wonderful mom to your daughter.

Your daughter is quite lovely! That awesome curly hair though!
Winter, and the mood that seems to creep in with it, tends to suck. On the good side, it will be spring soon, and I know that will help.