7 Strategies To Overcome Your Self-Doubts

2년 전


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In 1981 I entered the Agriculture University of Malaysia to pursue my Bachelor Of Science in Resource Economics. This was a major milestone in my life for a number of reasons. Both my parents had no formal schooling and as such I was the first generation in my family to go to school. Out of my 7 brothers and 1 sister, I was the second in my family to enter a university. I am from the island of Borneo and the university was located near Kuala Lumpur in Peninsular Malaysia. So this is the first time that I am leaving home to study at another place, the first time that l left Kuching and the first time that I took an airplane. But the most important adjustment that I had to make was that my course at the University would be taught in Malay. Borneo was once colonized by the British, and as a result it inherited a very British education system. Therefore, from Primary 1 right up to Form 6, the medium of instruction was English. I only took one subject of the Malay language and I did not fare so well at that. In fact, I sat for my Senior Cambridge and Higher School Certificate, and for this two public examinations, the certificates were awarded by the University of Cambridge.

So imagine me sitting in the lecture hall for my first class, and everything was conducted in Malay. I could understand what the lecturer was talking but I could not write fast enough to take down notes. I could see other students scribbling away while I helplessly look at the blank sheet in front of me. In fact, for the first few months, the situation remained the same. I was full of self-doubts, and I was sure that I will fail my first semester. I will never be smart enough to master Malay. My grades will be the lowest in the class. Who would want be friends with a failure? I am sure that my classmates would look down on me. My other classmates who were from Peninsular Malaysia did not face such a problem because right from Primary 1, the language of instruction has been in Malay. They all seem to be smarter and better than me.

I find myself one afternoon, packing my bags. I was about to throw in the towel, I wanted to quit and return to Kuching. As I was packing halfway, it dawned on me that if I quit now how would I face my parents and family as well as how disappointed they would be in me. My parents and elder siblings were not given opportunities for education unlike me. And I was ready to throw it all away. If I go back to my village, I would be ashamed if my neighbours were to ask me whether I had completed my studies. It was at that point that I would never go back without a degree in hand. I would not give in to my self-doubts and insecurities. I had always been a hardworking and good student and I would not let my self-doubts and my lack of mastery in Malay get in the way of my degree. If at school I had mastered English, Economics and Mathematics, I should be able to master Malay at university. Four years on, I graduated with a honours degree at the top of my class.


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Self-doubts are a dream killer and I almost let my self-doubts killed my dream of getting a degree. I like to share with you 7 strategies to overcome your self-doubts.

1. Changing Your Physiology

Your state of mind can affect your physiology but changing your physiology can also affect your state of mind. If you feel confident, you tend to stand up straight, your shoulders up and your chin is also held up. If you see someone slouching, shoulders down, looking down, you can infer that he is filled with self-doubts. This strategy is very useful if you have to perform a task like giving a sales pitch but self-doubts surface just as you are about to the task. By merely changing your body’s physiology such as standing up straight, holding both our shoulders and chin up, maintain eye contact, our state of mind will change from being doubtful to being confident. There is a saying, “Fake it till you make it” but I prefer this saying “Fake it till you become it”.
I remembered many years back when I attended Anthony Robbins’ Unleash The Power Within program. During the program, I was required to walk over hot coals. Just by standing up straight with shoulders and chin up, raising my right hand up as I chanted the word “Yes” I managed to walk over the hot coals. I know this works but please do not try to walk over hot coals on your own.

2. Your Venerability Makes You Human

Do not perceive your vulnerabilities as being negative and never allow your vulnerabilities to be turned into self-doubts. Instead embrace and leverage on your vulnerabilities. It is your venerability that makes you both human and unique as individuals. If you are so perfect, it will be difficult for you to show your empathy to others and relate to others. If you are strong enough to reveal your venerability, others will find you more likeable and easier to relate to. In reality shows, we find ourselves rooting for contestants who revealed their venerability.

3. Know That You Are Not Alone

Know that you are not the only one who is facing self-doubts. Pursuing our dream is not easy and most people are bound to face challenges. In many instances, we may feel overwhelmed and then doubt our ability to move forward. Even a beauty queen can have self-doubts about her looks and physique. Knowing that you are not alone will encourage and motivate you to overcome your self-doubt and move to the next level. It will be even better if you can find a role model who has overcome similar self-doubts as you and learn from his success or failures.


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4. Know That You Are Worthy

Know that you are worthy of the dreams that you pursue and the success that you crave for. When your self-doubts tell you that you are not enough, that you don’t measure up, you are not enough, remind yourself that these are all lies. The truth is the seeds of greatness has been planted inside you. Therefore, instead of asking whether you are worthy of your dreams, question instead whether your dreams your worthy of you. You have to practically exchange your life for your dreams, and so make sure that your dreams are worthy of you. This sense of self-worth comes our own internal validation instead of from your parents, teachers, peers or friends.

5. Do Not Feed Your Self-Doubts

There is an Indian saying that both the dog and wolf are present in your mind, who will grow bigger depends on which one you feed. Similarly, if we choose to focus on your self-doubts, your emotions will spiral out of control causing you to have more and bigger self-doubts. If you focus on our strengths instead, you will become more confident and you will not only feel better but will perform better as well.

Just like my story of how I eventually managed to overcome my self-doubts to graduate with honours, you too will have instances where you have managed to raise above your self-doubts. Therefore, when you feel overwhelmed by your self-doubts, recall and remember these instances of victory. Remind yourself that you had risen above your self-doubts in the past and that you can do it again.

6. The Power Of Why

In my example above, why I must graduate at all cost was very powerful in helping me to overcome my self-doubts. Similarly, the purpose behind your dreams or goals will propel you to move forward despite any challenges and obstacles faced along the way. Knowing the why behind your success and dreams will help you find the how of overcoming self-doubts. The power of purpose will push you through even though you are on the verge of quitting.

7. Reaching Out To Others

When you are in the depths of your self-doubt, reaching out to others has two distinct benefit. The first benefit is that if you are focused on others, you will take your mind off your self-doubts. Your attention is turned to others instead of yourself. Secondly, if you are able to help others, you will feel good about yourself and your self-confidence will increase and your self-doubt decline.

Conclusion

You need to keep going because your dreams and success lies at the end of the road of self-doubt. Know that a brighter future and a better of version of you is waiting for you there. Keep your eyes not on your self-doubts but on all the things and joy that will be there when your dream becomes a reality.


Follow me and stay positive.

Do check out my previous posts.

The Game Of Life

Consciousness Of Our Mortality

Spreading positivity one post at a time.
Charles

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You’re not bad but not quite good enough, keep working you’re almost there

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Perhaps you can share how I can improve further. English is my second language.

Interesting mindset brother, i think the giving up dilemma is pretty common amongst humans, its nice to hear you say how you overcame that situation and you moved forward, its really inspirational, best of luck to you.

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@freddyjabano, it is only by moving on despite the challenges can we achieve success. Thank you for your comments.

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@positivesteem DOUBTS + - DOUBTS. REALITIES OVERCOME IT Everything that is around you, what you live, is being charged with your energy, which is emitted by your thought. Every time you look, think or feel a thing or something no matter how small or insignificant it may be: I do not like it, I can not, I do not dominate, I'm afraid, it's not changed, it's the creation of your Psychological barriers, you're sending that energy to your receiving circle or your reflection mirror. That energy that you emanates remains there, to help you feel bad, with little or no capacity to respond to the challenge.

Now, the reaction and emanation of energy in positive, where you project; I like, I love, I love what I do, I want to achieve it, you are making your thoughts and projections your best ally, at that precise moment you emotionally destroy those negative psychological barriers that you created. When you hate something yourself you tie yourself to that. A common experiential example: Home: because the discomfort and fights in the home of many? A: because we do not love and project negative energies towards the internal, practiced in any sphere of life. "We have to treat our circle of life and all things, inanimate objects as living beings of energy.

LET'S SEE BECAUSE: any thing or object, animal or person is formed by the cohesion (union) of cells in the cases of living beings and in particles in things and objects. These particles and cells are divided into atoms, protons and neutrons that move in a rotating way at unimaginable speeds, thus producing an energy field.

FRIEND, AND LIFE IS ENERGY; Therefore, my dear friend, the energy attracts similar energy (positive negatives), if we feel bad, we are sending a mental and verbal message and this will shelter our whole environment, if we are constantly sending positive feelings, thoughts and actions, It will get our halo and atmosphere. RENEWING AND FORMING US IS NOT EXCLUSIVE OF NATURE, WE MUST STRIVE TO BE US WHO RENAZCATE, WE LIGHT AND SPREAD THE LIGHT OF POSITIVE ENERGY TOWARDS OUR ENVIRONMENT, WE REMEMBER THAT THE BEST LIGHTING FORM IS ACCEPTING THAT WE ARE CREATION OF THE SUPREME, WHO PLASM THE UNIVERSE OF ENERGY

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Hi @nancymj I really appreciate your comments. A positive outlook can make a lot of problems more manageable including self-doubts. You have brought up very good points.

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@positivesteem THANK YOU, CONTINUE WITH THE POST, ARE INTERESTING TO THE READING AND MOTIVATIONAL

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Thank you for the encouragement @nancymj. I will do my best to spread positivity.

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As the word says my dear @postivesteem, whoever doubts is similar to the waves of the ma that goes from one place to another, whoever trusts in God must know that he is a rewarder of those who seek him. Very good teaching, I like your strategies.

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Amen to that. The word of God is a strong antidote for self-doubt.

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I' so glad you had this experience and managed to overcome your fears like that. I think many people would have packed their bags and left, but you stayed and fought your way through. Maybe your amazing story will help others overcome their fears

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I am happy that my story can inspire others. Thank you for your kind comments @peterveronika

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our greatest foe is our own self. we tend to let our fears overcome us. we can always choose to get out of our comfort zones to reach the pinnacle of our dreams. taking that first step will progress to more steps until you reach the finish line. i commend you for not allowing yourself to be defeated by your self-doubts. it's something that not all of us can easily do.

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you're surely right, man! i think it also depends on our emotional quotient. this writer seems to have a lot of love from his friends and family that's why they served as his inspirations and was able to hold on.

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but how about those who were abandoned but were able to rise above their challenges? i agree though with your point.

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We all have different challenges. What matters the most is to rise above these challenges and emerge a stronger person.

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Very well said, I love reading your article it really inspired to all the readers especially on me. There's a saying that "No man is an island", meaning you can’t do it all on your own. Sometimes all you need is a little reassurance, and your biggest fans are the people who do just that for you.

You first need to identify your biggest fans the friends, family members, and who have always been there for you. Friends who tell you that you’re awesome. Then, put your energy into fostering deeper and lasting relationships with these people. We all have them, so nurture those relationships and draw strength and confidence from them.

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Very true @gee17. We are all social beings and we craved for human connections. Support from others will definitely help us.

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Thanks so much. I love reading your article. It really help me I’ve learned a lot from you, I realize that by surrounding myself with my biggest fans, by focusing on my own goals, and by practicing gratitude I can experience love more deeply, minimizing feelings of self-doubt.

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Thank you so much @gee17 for your encouraging comments. I am happy that you find my posts useful. I will write more positive posts.

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Wow! I saw you commented on one of my posts and decided to check out your page. You write beautifully (grammar is not the most important part of writing in my book!) and self help is such important work!
following, can’t wait to see more ❤️
Thank you so much !

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@mo-nique I am so happy that you visited. I try to spread positivity here one post at a time.

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You’re doing a great job!

I learned a lot after reading your post. It dawned on me that self doubt would really take you nowhere. I myself have some self doubt issues up until which I'm slowly trying to overcome. Having to see my siblings excel in there chosen career puts a lot of weight on my shoulders to do well, but I'm not that confident enough. After reading your post, I came to realized how much of a fool I am to ever doubt myself. Thanks for sharing this!

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Self-doubts are quite common. The triggers are different for different people.

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Thanks for sharing this article. It helped me realize some important things in life. Never to entertain doubts again.

Well said, I admire your article and I admit I've also experienced and come to the point that I doubted my ability and those was the miserable days of my life! I am just lucky enough that I have a supportive friends that love me and keep nagging on me. lol! But now I've recovered and trusted myself and learned not to give up and be positive while running this race!

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Thank you @fredanderson for sharing your experience. As I have achieved further success, year-round do at times reared its ugly head. But this time I am more prepared to deal with it.

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So true my friends! Thanks for sharing your story! Cheers

Love it! We need more positivity in the world... I'm so glad you shared this... Gave an upvote!

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Thank you for your kind words @realslaythevirus. I am trying to spread more positivity at Steemit.

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Yes true, You should know your worth so that you can know how you deserve to be happy and also be a great man and woman for others. Respect and don't assume

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Well said ,@nastyamorel. Thanks for visiting.

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You got a 29.91% upvote from @postpromoter courtesy of @positivesteem!

Want to promote your posts too? Check out the Steem Bot Tracker website for more info. If you would like to support the development of @postpromoter and the bot tracker please vote for @yabapmatt for witness!

Hi @positivesteem!

Your post was upvoted by @steem-ua, new Steem dApp, using UserAuthority for algorithmic post curation!
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In our last Algorithmic Curation Round, consisting of 319 contributions, your post is ranked at #204.

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Thank you

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It is a very nice your post... I enjoy it... congratulations

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Thank you @jjde2006. I am glad that you liked my post.

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excellent, I congratulate you .. is similar to my story, I know that many of us identify with you. You are an example of perseverance ... and success ... thanks thanks for a hug from Peru ... even though I am from Venezuela.

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Hi @gmg33 thank you for your comments. We all have in our own ways encountered self-doubts and each has his own story to tell.

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Your post had been curated by the @buildawhale team and mentioned here:

https://steemit.com/curation/@buildawhale/buildawhale-curation-digest-10-19-18

Keep up the good work and original content, everyone appreciates it!

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Thank you very much. Keep up the good work.

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Thank you so much

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Personally, self-doubt comes from negative criticism of others which almost led to depression. I am glad I overcame everything through counselling. The best thing I've learned is to take control who's words to accept in your life. Don't let anyone hurt you with their words, put a wall in between.

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@davewainwright thank you for sharing. That is why our self-esteem must come from within.

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Yes, I agree. You will be your own judge. It's always a pleasure to impart my personal experience to others, for them to know that they're not all alone in this struggle. It's what most of us experience everyday. I also learned a lot from your post. :)

I admire your determination and positive attitude. I am also having some self doubts in the past and Thank God I was able to overcome them.

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I am sharing my experience so that others too can benefit from this.

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It really helped a lot of people. Thanks for sharing. Please continue to share more about positive things. :)

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Thank you for your kind words @acrytolover. I try to spread positivity one post at a time.

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Keep doing it... I love to read more positive articles that you will write in the future.