3 days down. A new year. A new decade.


I dont miss weed or crack cocaine at all. No carbs at all, no alcohol, no fapping or sex.

I stayed home this year. @r0nd0n was playing absolutely horrible music on mspwaves but i hung out with them, its all about the community right? Cool people in there. If you don't mind heavy trolling and general weirdness you should join us sometimes.

I slept amazingly, thats one of the things i really want to fine tune. Sleep is so mysterious but the health benefits of proper sleep cycles and deep rem sleep are multiple. Plus dreaming is psychedelic asf!

Ive also been experimenting with self hypnosis. I think theyre called binary beats or tones. I listen to these tones and repeat affirmations, penetrating my subconscious with these new programs.

I got this cool app that tracks how long you've been sober from certain things. It makes you pledge in the morning and review your day at night. Its really cool to see your time streak too.

Screenshot_20200101-113608_I Am Sober.jpg

2019 was an absolute shit year but im grateful for it.

My goals for 2020:

Get healthy asf. cardio, strength, muscle endurance, mobility and flexibility.

Reset my overstimulated dopamine and endocannibinoid systems.

Hit target weight of 169.

Do the Franklin mountain peak hike. I've done it before but after my injury should be interesting.

Get abs, have a nice body then get fitted clothes. Black fitted everything and some vibrant psychedelic shirts.

Send nudes.

Play live shows.

Release a legit album.

Network like crazy in a few music communities I'm now a part of.

Get my art into some local galleries and charge absurd prices.

Start smoking cigarettes again (top quality ones tho, after the 90 day challenge of course). Not in an addicted pack a day needy kind of way, but more just like a chill one a day watch the clouds roll by peaceful zen kinda way.

Go on a heros journey 5 gram solo nature shroom trip.

Marijuana is a depressant, i don't think im going back to it. I love cbd tho. Maybe once its legal here i can be more informed about what strains and benefits im buying but for now i think im done with weed. Im defo done with crack cocaine.

The whole no fap, no porn, no sex thing, theres a reddit community that has research and videos about too much fapping and porn. It basically fries your dopamine systems and skews your views on the opposite sex. It seems like its helped a lot of people so im trying it. I plan on asking my physical therapist out tomorrow tho. Shes gorgeous, half black, half white and we get along great. So that will be my only exception to the no sex thing (if she says yes to a date or a few dates and we actually hit it off romantically)

I've been neglecting my higher self, limiting myself with negative thoughts and insecurities. Instability when it comes to my emotions but i know im getting better. You get better by challenging yourself and getting out of your comfort zones, do new things, adapt, grow!

Thanks for reading my rambles. Bai.

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The music was amazing, but I'll attribute your bad taste to your dopamine being out of whack and I won't hold it against you. I'm not 100% sure marijuana is a depressant, but everyone's body chemistry is different. I'm pretty convinced about the nofap stuff though, I really think there's something to that.


Haha the only good song was careless whisper. Yeah ive read that marijuana can be classified as both a depressant and stimulant, depends on the strain. Although it 100% helps me make music it also has negative effects on me, like it keeps me in a self preservation mode, no motivation, no ambition, comfortable stagnation. Ill most def keep using cbd tho. The nofap thing does seem to have a lot of research and anecdotal information. Its true in general, we live in a very hyper stimulating world and our brains weren't made for that type of environment. Evolution is always happening but the traits of lower attention spans, fried neurotransmitters, post modern nihilism, vague degeneracy. We live in amazing times but god damn shits fucked up lmaooooo