“Never invest so much in anyone romantically that you lose your head. The Buddha of casual sex, I remain detached at all costs.”
― Edward Vilga
Sab surely knows a thing or two, or perhaps three, about casual sex. Most probably have an idea of my stance on the topic, considering I’ve been writing here and there about my chosen lifestyle of abstinence. Hookup culture being a prevalence in today’s society, I find it worth examining what makes so many of us go down this route. The thing about casual sex is that it screams meaninglessness and thirst for artificial rush. Not much value can come out of something that is governed by lust. Hedonism is all fun and games, until the sex is over. Maybe this stems from my very own view of evaluating if something is worth doing or not, but to me the bottom line is: does this add or remove value to my life?
If we take casual sex for instance, the pros could be that the desire to scratch an itch gets fulfilled, but beyond that, not much comes out of fucking only for the sake of fucking. On the other hand, the list of cons is by far larger. It doesn’t matter if you’re a spiritual guru or not, the fact remains that when you have sex, you don’t solely exchange fluids with another human being, you exchange energies. And I don’t know about you my friend, but I’d trust a Dr Sab talking from experience here, that it is not a safe endeavor to pursue, no matter the context in which it takes place. I can already hear you saying over there, "But Sab, what if someone is not in a committed relationship, and needs to get it out of their system? "
Look, I know that your magic hands can only save the itch for long enough, at least for some of us out there. I understand that suppressing one’s sexual desires or channeling them into something else are not viable options for everyone, but the fact remains that it’s not a bad thing to try working on your desires in this department, or at the very least, to try to understand where they come from. I understand that the human is a naturally sexually driven creature, but that doesn’t change the fact that many have casual sex for what I would like to call the "wrong reasons".
Shitty labeling aside, a lot of individuals use sex as a means of escapism. Others do it as an attempt to fill their bottomless internal void. Worse are the ones who do it with the intent of seeking revenge, or perhaps of dealing with a broken heart. The problem with these motives is that they are often unconscious to the very person acting on them. What’s more is that they only make matters worse in the long term. It’s hard for me to think sexuality while making abstraction of the very important emotional component that is, or perhaps that should be, part of it. In my eyes, sex loses all of its value and depth (no pun intended) in the absence of a genuine emotional connection.