" Today, we turn to one person to provide what an entire village once did: a sense of grounding, meaning, and continuity. At the same time, we expect our committed relationships to be romantic as well as emotionally and sexually fulfilling. Is it any wonder that so many relationships crumble under the weight of it all? "
― Esther Perel
At the source of a broken relationship lies emotional starvation. Like a dying flower lacking essential nutrients to ensure its growth and survival, a relationship absent of an emotional connection is slowly but surely headed for collapse. Yet there are ways to make a 180 u turn before the ship starts to sink.
One of the ways to do so is to proceed by doing an autopsy of the dynamics that underlie the relationship you are in. Some key questions can help you uncover how your partner and yourself are with each other in the relationship.
How do you guys interact with one another on a daily basis? Using the 5/1 magic ratio, would you say that the majority of your interactions are infused with love and respect?
When your partner tries to connect with you, do you respond to his bid for connection, ignore his attempt at connecting with you, or push away his call for connection?
How do your partner and yourself handle arguments and recover from them? Is silence the tactic of choice? Pushing on each other’s sensitive spots until emotional death ensues? Using humor to defuse the tension in the aftermaths of an argument?
Connection is the seed of love, we need to continuously keep on sowing it in order for our love to blossom. A relationship that has emptied its reservoir of emotional connection can be recognized by partners who have shut down on themselves and given up on trying to connect with their spouse. They have resigned themselves to remain in this position because perhaps their past attempts at trying to make things better have proven to be fruitless.
However, it’s important to keep in mind that we can’t attain favorable results if we keep on using formulas that have constantly failed us. Approaching our partner’s interactions in a new way, one where non-judgment, curiosity and compassion reigns, may incite him or her to let his or her defenses down and perhaps become more apt to try to connect with us again.