Baby you are on the black list

3년 전

In recent years I have had more peculiar dreams, very intriguing ones, such as being tracked to be assassinated (I wonder if this illustrates the dark mind within myself...).

I will start off with one which I could not remember all the details. I think I was somewhere south of France, as the buildings looked very much like those found in Provence (my family currently lives there, thus I am quite familiar with the type of architecture). It was a small town or village, I was inside, watching, watching something bad, even horrifying. I was hiding, it was not a very good hiding spot and I was sure the killer could see me but I could not find anywhere else when he first entered. The image of the victim and the killer was blurring. I don't think I knew any of them, I was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. I can only remember the killer was wearing a long dark coat, the collars were flipped upwards, his face was hidden under a hat, it was like those old styled detective or crime movies. I was simply staring, didn't make a sound, didn't even have any feeling when the he killed the man. I couldn't remember the weapon he used, could be a knife, or a silent pistol as I didn't hear anything, not even the cry from the victim. I only remember he was so afraid, his eyes, full of terror, his mouth opened, probably shouting. And the killer turned back, looked at me, while the victim bled to death. I didn't know how, but I stood up (I was in a lower position, possibly crouched under or behind some furniture), and walked out of the house like nothing happened. I remembered looking out through the glass window before I exited the room, the sun outside was so bright that the pavement reflecting it was white and shiny, and yet it was dark and somber inside. The rest was, again, a mystery as I couldn't recall. I only remember that I was very nervous and panic when I was walking on the street, but somehow relaxed at a certain point where I thought maybe, just maybe, he was not coming after me, he was just going to let me go, because I could not feel his presence anywhere. Moment later, I thought how wrong and naive I had been as he suddenly appeared in front of me, out of nowhere.

The next two dreams are very peculiar as they resembles each other, almost identical. I was participating in a summer camp in a bright glass building situated in a little forest. I think the camp was related to technology and computer science, I was alone. Upon my arrival at the door step, my mentor greeted me and offered to take me to my room before taking a tour of the site. There were rows of computers on the ground floor and many other students were discussing and surfing. Everything was white and bright, the sun penetrated the glass easily, the white furniture, floor, wall, and computers reflect the light. I was starting to like it there. We walked up to the second or the third floor, and we were about to take the elevator to the dormitory (the dormitory is literally everywhere in me dreams...), when the alarm sounded. The mentor shouted for us to stay calm, she said it was probably nothing. But then, they came in, all dressed in black and armed to the fingertips. They started firing and people were screaming, meanwhile I was trying to get into the elevator to escape, it was descending to the our floor, but as the door opened, the men in black came out with students seized between their hands. We were ordered to kneel down on our knees and bent over our upper bodies to lock our hands over the back of our heads. The students were all terrified and confused, as none of us understood what was happening. What did they want from us? From the camp? Did they want money? Or maybe the equipment and the computers? The mentors tried to negotiate with them, they would offer anything in exchange for the safety of the students. But the men in black just ignored all of us, they kept us in control while the leader ordered the rest to search the entire site for any more victims. There weren't so many guards, just two or three on this floor, and I was right next to the elevator and the staircase. Should I make a run for it? Should I go up of down? The fear was creeping up from the cold floor, climbing up from my feet to my back, slowly and following my spine like a snake, up to the back of my neck where all my hair was standing up and I was shaking. It was like if all of my strength was drained from my body and I was not able to move or to stand up. They brought more students in, when they thought they had all of us, they started shooting, and that was when I woke up for the first time.

The second dream, occurred two nights after the first one, and it was exactly the same opening, the same forest, same tree, the same site and the same mentor. Even her expression and greetings were exactly the same as before. I was thinking to myself: 'Hang on, this is a dream, and I have had this one before.' I started thinking quickly about how I could escape this time. The first time they entered from under and above, they took over the elevator but they didn't bother with the stairs, and I was only one floor away from the dormitory where the doors were extra thick and heavy - fire stopping doors with locks. Maybe, if I could get into the dormitory, I would have the time to call the police. So this time, I ushered my mentor to take me to my room quickly as I was tired from the travel, but somehow we still ended up taking the staircases instead of the elevator. And once again, we heard the alarm just as the mentor pressed the up bottom for the elevator. I was calmer this time, knowing both that it was a dream and the rest of the plot. The men got us on the ground again, and I was again right next to the staircase. Should I run for it this time? The men didn't want anything from us, they were just going to kill all of us. Even if I did die, I would simply wake up since this was only a dream, or was it only a dream? I could feel once again that terror and fear were creeping up on my back and I needed to act before they took control over me. I watched as the guards walked around to check on all the hostages, there were only three of them, two were quite far from me, the one who was near was walking towards the left of the room, and since I am behind the elevator, he wouldn't be able to see me. My heart was pounding like it was eager to get out of my chest, I could hear the rapid beating inside my ears, I needed to move. Crouching and sliding towards to stairs, I made sure the guards could not see me from that angle, and made a run for the staircase. I didn't dare to take the elevator as it was more noisy and I was afraid the rest of them would come out of the elevators. As I dashed towards the stairs pushing myself upwards, I was shaking. Each step was draining my strength and energy, and I was running so slowly. Luckily I have only one floor to cover and when I finally reached the fourth floor, it was empty, completely empty with only the landing for the staircases and the elevator. This was not right, where were the dormitories? Where were the other men? I panicked, I looked around and there weren't even any hideout. I turned back to the stairs not knowing what to do, and I saw one of them, pistol in his right hand and rifle on his front. He had golden brown hair, and he was looking at me and smiling like I was a naughty mischievous little girl just being caught black handed. He shook his head gently as if saying 'No no no, little one, a good girl should not run away like that.' Then, he pointed the gun to my forehead, and pulled the trigger.

I always woke up before I actually died or got injured. I am intrigued to know what else could happen if one actually really dies in a dream. Would it hurt? Would you disappear into the afterlife? Or would you float in the universe? It was also amazing to see how brave I could become once I was certain there were no other options, I was not going to give in, I was ready to fight even if it meant to be taken by death sooner. It seems I didn't want to die in captivity, I would rather die during my escape, it was like a signal to myself that I would never give up, I would trust and depend on myself to regain my freedom, not waiting passively for someone to rescue me or to take my life. I would choose the way I shall die.

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So scared, I cant imagine it



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