Why Nice Guys Suffer ?

4년 전

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This is article is my self-reflection and on study based on Nice Guys and the problems with them.
I was always thinking with myself from quite some time that why nice guys suffer and the people who are corrupt and cunning get victories in life, but what I come to know is amazing things about myself and on those people who consider themselves nice guys.
We actually believe that if we are good, we would be loved, our needs are taken care of and we will enjoy problem free life.
But we find a maximum number of people saying that they got nothing despite giving so much in life or we got no appreciation despite we always tried to become a good husband and good father or good son or good daughter etc.
Let is see where is the problem:

In order to please everybody we actually pleases no one.
We only say those things which other person wants to hear.
Never try to put yourself in controversy, means always trying to run away from problems.
We just can't say 'NO' to anybody
We repress so much inside that it is like a pressure cooker inside which will explode on some unexpected situations.
We hide our flaws and mistakes
We are not making our needs a priority, we thought that it will be selfish to take care of our own needs.

Let me admit that I had a lot of above problems but still I used to consider myself a Nice guy because I am a giver, I repress my feelings inside, I hide my flaws, trying to please everybody, never say no to anyone, always compromise myself.

So according to the all the above traits:
Nice guys are fundamentally dishonest and manipulative because they hide so much about themselves.

Nice guys are always giving to get, although we are generous givers still there is always an unspoken string attached to it. We are subconsciously contractual from the inside, it is like we are saying "I love you" to our wife only to hear "I love you too" and if she will not say then we felt bad about it.

Nice guys are full of rage because there is so much inside which we never share and always repress our feelings.

Nice guys have addiction to certain behaviour.

Nice guys are having difficulties setting boundaries in any relationship since we cant say no then we are bound to face problems in our relations as well.

Guys because of all these issues we become relatively successful despite having all the talent. I think it is not about becoming nice it is about becoming wise.

What I leart is if we would try to change our certain aspects then our all areas of life will certainly improve it is like Buddhist concept of "Oneness of Self and Environment", if we change our environment will also change. Instead of changing our environment we should try to change ourself first. For example: when we not express fully to our wife then she will not know about our problems and then how can we expect her understanding towards us. And another very important point is we always tolerate the intolerable behaviour, other people are not bad but we made them bad because we never draw a boundaries in our relations, for example, sorry to use harsh words but if any dog do a piss at the bed and we never stop him them what will he do?

Our success depends on how wisely we took our decisions not on how nicely we took decisions. So please think before taking any decisions that whether you are doing it emotionally or out of fear or you just can't say "NO" or what other people will think about you if you refuse to do things for them.

Thank you so much for reading this article.

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good article