This is part 3 of my Ayahuasca journey at Rythmia in Costa Rica. If you missed Night 1: My miracle and Night 2: Love and death, you might want to read them first as this is a continuation of the story.
As described, my Tuesday night was truly beautiful. I had no purging and left the ceremony feeling elated—like Mama Aya had unlocked the secrets of the universe and given me a guided tour. All of Wednesday I was walking on cloud nine, and I was excited about the third ceremony.
Wednesday night is ladies night at Rythmia, run by the gorgeous Sarah, another Western shaman. The energy of the ayahuasca tea and ceremony are distinctly female. There is also incredible live music.
Like the other nights, I took a hit of rapé to begin the ceremony. This time I found myself in front of Chris, an American living in Panama, although not near me. Unlike the first two nights, he blew a much larger dose of the powder up my nose. I returned to my mattress feeling buzzed but ill. Uh-oh. Was tonight the night I would vomit? I'd seen this happen to a few other people after rapé. Because of this, I waited until the end of the line to take my first ayahuasca cup to give my stomach extra time to settle. It turned out to be ok. Nothing came back up and my nausea subsided. After the required period of waiting time, I took my second cup.
Image by @choogirl
Since this was night three, I had a good idea of when the medicine would kick in. I didn't feel like waiting on my mattress I so went to the yoga area (which is attached to the Maloka) to do some sun salutations. I wasn't sure why but I thought "I should stretch my back". While I was there I noticed a beautiful tree. It was about 50m away and lit up. I was amazed that I'd walked past it at least a dozen times during the day and not seen it. Next, I sat on the soft grass. I was still feeling connected to the earth from last night and I wanted to keep that going. Lastly, I gazed at the moon. Tomorrow would be the official full moon, but she was already looking whole and beautiful and bright. I reflected on Monday night and my new heart being charged with moonlight. A lot had happened since then. One of the assistants came out with a guitar and sat on the steps. He played for a few minutes as I enjoyed being outside connecting to the earth, not yet understanding the significance of what I was doing.
When I returned to my mattress I remembered a conversation with my roommate Alev earlier that day when I was telling her about Tuesday night. She told me that the energy I felt was my Kundalini starting to awaken and that I should keep pulling it up through my chakras. If we'd not had this conversation, I would not have thought about Kundalini, since I didn't know much about it. I'm convinced Mama Aya placed us in that room together specifically to have that conversation.
The medicine kicked in and I began looking for that source energy. It took some concentration but I found it and started drawing it up again. Very quickly, I felt a magnetic force coming from the earth. It locked me into the position I was lying in, without moving, for the rest of the night. At the same time as I was drawing energy up, I was also pulling energy down from the moon. It felt good.
My friend Ellen was to my right and a German woman was to my left. The German woman was not having a good night. Several times, assistants came over and performed healings on her to help shift whatever energy she was trying to release. What was interesting, however, was that she kept half coming onto my mattress. At first this annoyed me until I realised why. My magnetic pull was attracting her. I then panicked that if she touched me, she might transfer her demon into me. Mama Aya however, reassured me that all the energy I was channelling would protect me and that I should use it to help her if she touched me again. Her foot had connected with mine several times, but on the last time, she left it there for several seconds. I sent as much good energy into her as I could. The next day when we spoke, she told me she was trying to expel a demon and when it left she saw it go towards me. Since I was protected, I didn't feel it. Obviously I can't be sure that our timelines overlapped since there's no talking during ceremony, but I like to think they did.
I wasn't having visions at this point, more questions answered or epiphanies from Mama Aya. For example, everything I'd done earlier now made sense. The yoga was to stop my back from hurting since I couldn't move. Sitting on the grass was to connect my Root chakra to the Earth chakra. Gazing up at the moon—which my new heart was born under and charged from—was to connect my Third Eye chakra to the Lunar chakra.
Image by @choogirl
Then Mama Aya gave me my biggest epiphany yet. I had become Mother Nature and this moment had been in the making for the past year. Last May, I went to Vienna so the very talented Bella Volen could paint me. I had no reason for doing this other than I had a really strong desire to do so. I even made a post about it. Everything now made sense. It was so I could become her. I also realised that Bella's style of art was influencing all my visions, which were more like virtual reality than 4K HD.
Now that I knew what was happening, I felt very strong with all the Earth's energy entering my body. Mama Aya told me to share it and she released my hands from the magnetic pull. I put one on Ellen's mattress, the other on the German woman's and started pushing it out towards them. The vibe of the energy was healing and love.
The live music started and it was the most incredible sound I'd ever heard. The best way I can describe it is as shamanic music to heal your soul from deep within the jungle. Some of the instruments I'd never heard before and I couldn't see them because I had my eye mask on again. However, like last night, my other senses were in overdrive and I was seeing my own version of things through my third eye. It's hard to explain. Since I was Mother Nature I was basically the Earth. I could see trees above me, and the band—or Earth walkers as I called them—playing in the forest.
The energy and vibrations coming from the band were so good and strong I began pulling them in as well. So now I was channelling three sources of energy, which was pulsating throughout my body, despite not being able to move. It got to the point where Mama Aya released my arms so that I could lift them to send out healing and love to the room. This felt very much like the orgasm feeling from last night, except now I was creating it. I was crying with happiness it was so amazing. The forest visions I was having, the music I was hearing, and the energy I was channelling felt incredible.
My focus then went to pushing out all the energy I was harnessing. It was so strong and there was so much of it, that I not only sent it to people in the room, but back down into the ground to heal the Earth and everyone on it. It was during this time that I had my first Kundalini experience and possible awakening.
I have researched Kundalini a lot in the past few days knowing that Ayahuasca can bring it on. I have found Christopher Wallis and Chris Tompkins to be the most helpful. They are both academic scholars whose research is based on original tantric texts. Most of the current descriptions floating around on the internet are based on John Woodroffe's Western adaption of Kundalini from 1918, which is flawed.
I will admit, I'm still confused about what happened. My sole reason for thinking it was not a full Kundalini awakening is because when it happens, energy flows out of your Crown chakra connecting you to the universe in the same way that Ayahuasca can connect you to the universe. This did not happen to me. My energy went out through my hands. However, my reasons for thinking it was a Kundalini awakening are as follows. I was connected to the Lunar chakra, which both Wallis and Tompkins talk about as being an important component, and ignored in most modern descriptions. I was controlling the energy going up and down my body with breath, and it was converging in my Heart chakra, which is supposed to happen. I'd had a big spiritual awakening the night before, which is a pre-requisite. This was literally the most alive I've ever felt, which is the whole point of Kundalini. On top of all this, Kundalini is proclaimed to be the Goddess and source of the world, i.e. Mother Nature. Tonight I was her. So yeah, I'm a bit confused.
This also brings me back to the significance of Palenque in my visions. I may be drawing a long bow here, but there are too many coincidences for me to dismiss. I should also point out that I didn't know any of this until I began researching it after the fact.
There were only two female rulers in Palenque, including Lady Sak K'uk who apparently provided a connection to Mother Nature.
The word Palenque means “The Place of the Stellar Serpent”. Snake symbols show up in various places around the city. Snakes are also connected to Kundalini.
The Temple of the Cross is part of a temple complex, which shows how the Mayans saw creation and their relationship to the cosmos. Within the Temple of the Cross sits a variant of the World Tree/cosmic tree of the Milky Way, that connects the heavens, the Earth, and the underworld.
Just like us, Mother Earth has her own chakras, or 'ley lines'. There is thought to be an intelligent geometric pattern around the Earth from which her energies—or Kundalini—are organised. The points at which these ley lines intersect are home to some of the world's most sacred sites. Palenque is one of them.
As you can see, the connections between Palenque and my visions last night and tonight are striking. Tonight I became Mother Nature, which is embodied throughout Palenque. I was also connected to source energy below the earth, the moon, and the cosmos at the very temple the Mayans built to connect to those places. And now, the Palenque/Earth Kundalini energy seemed to be playing into my own Kundalini experience.
As amazing as channelling energy and feeling more alive than ever was, it didn't stay that way. There was a tipping point and I reached it. So much energy was coming into me and then out through my hands they became boiling hot. (So much so my wrists hurt the following day.) I also felt so rooted in place, I didn't think I'd ever be able to break the Earth's magnetic pull. This is when I got really scared. Everything was getting stronger and I couldn't slow it down, never mind stop it. I called out for someone to help me. Unbeknown to me, Ellen also noticed that something was wrong and had raised her hand. Sarah came to my side. She helped calm me down with breathing and healing rituals that I couldn't see because of my eye mask. She stayed with me until my energy was under control and my panic subsided. I'm still trying to figure out the lesson from this, since there always is one. Or maybe it was coming from Kundalini, not Mama Aya, and I just couldn't handle it? I wouldn't be the first person.
Regardless of the reason for my freakout, this is a perfect example of why you need to be in a safe place—like Rythmia—when you take Ayahuasca. You can go from la la land to a dark place very quickly. This means if you think you're in trouble then you are. Combine this with Kundalini and you're potentially a psychotic break waiting to happen. When panic or terror sets in, it's the shaman's job to guide you back to safety. Maybe the only reason I didn't have a psychotic break is because I was in a safe place. Maybe this is my lesson.
Once calm, I was no longer pulling energy into my body and instead could just radiate out what I still had in me. I focused it on the people I could hear who were purging and/or having healing rituals performed on them. Towards the end of the night, someone came around and played wind chimes around my head. I couldn't see who it was but I put my hands up to radiate healing and love energy to them. I later found out who it was, and he told me that he felt it. Several other people also told me they could feel my energy that night and that it helped them with what they were going through.
Despite my scary moment, this was the most incredible night of my life yet. Could my final night top this or would Mama Aya find something for me to purge? Stay tuned to find out.
I have shared my whole story in Rythmia's Facebook Live video below. Note, it is long so Night 3 is discussed between 47m07s and 1h02m37s. I will timestamp the relevant parts of the video discussing the other nights in my posts if you don't want to watch it all in one go.
Footer by @ryivhnn