It's been a while since I last posted some photography on Steem. There's not really a reason why, I just haven't really felt like it. I did start writing about films again, and that's been nice. But today feels different.
Well, today, I'm focusing a bit too much on reflection and interests. Today isn't really a normal day, for some it might be, perhaps, but for me, I'm now 25. I feel like my life only really began about two years ago when I finally came out of my shell and discovered who I was and what I really liked; photography being one of them. Filmmaking being another.
While I went back to education, of which I'm really dreading these days, I have managed to slowly get some filmmaking work. It's fucking impossible to get film work. It's either pure luck or you know someone that can get you in -- in my case, it's knowing someone. Unfortunately I don't have the luck or skills to get in otherwise, haha.
I feel like I've truly accomplished a lot in just two years, really. But at the age of 25 now it feels like I'm still so far behind everyone else. I feel like I'm at a huge disadvantage. Finances and career. Education has made this evident, surrounded by mostly younger people doesn't help. Makes you only want to escape through the window.
I feel like I need to throw in some coal and really push myself to catch up. But I'm not doing that. I feel I'll burn myself out and perhaps end up giving in again and resorted to old ways. And now there's plenty of things I want to discover and attempt as a result of finally coming out of my shell, I really don't want to go back.
I understand that 25 isn't old at all. It's still a very young age to be at. But I feel everyone has this assumption of where they'll be by a certain age, whether or not it's achieved is something different, but while I was just doing nothing and staying inside all the time those years back, all I did was move goalposts: "Next year I'll do this," and "or by that age I'll be there."
I'd like to think that by the time I'm 26 I'll have the camera gear I strive to obtain so that I can push this interest into something that could become a career. So that I can travel and do my hobby while making some money to survive from it. I'd like to think that I'll have more work in film that isn't just a result of essentially being carried on the back of another that's worked significantly harder to reach where they are. I've learned a lot from the opportunities I've been given, and I hope that I can find ways to show that in my own independent way.
Eventually I'll get there. But not yet, it seems. I still have a long way to go until I feel I'll be truly content with my life. Either way, I know whatever happens, I have to keep pursuing photography.