Dream of stillness (and why you haven't seen as much of me)

지난달


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No words can follow.
No promises left to come.
I run around,
And I come back to you.
Over and again.
I can't seem to
Shake my path clear of you.
Your footsteps and your lies,
Your acrimony shatters.
Your guilt invades,
Until I find my sleep shaken
Until all I see, the embers of your face.
All is empty,
My beggar's life hounded.
I sleep the rest of the weary,
The shuteye of the wronged.
And in the cold, dead night,
I feel your finger-like claws
Wrap around my shivering body.
I found you.
Or perhaps you found me.
Try and scratch my way,
To the surface.
But there's just you,
Holding me down,
In my lungs, just dirt,
My hands finally stilled.

I keep meaning to come around. I even do, for a few minutes, but I rarely find it in me - the will to post, that is. It's not the rewards, or rather, not just the rewards. It's...so much. It's life. It's writing commitments in other places and other languages, which make it difficult at the moment to find my words here. But I do miss coming on here. I haven't done a freewrite in forever and it shows. I miss the non-committal feel of it all, the flow. But that's just life, huh? A battleship of commitments. I hope you're well, whoever you are.

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You're missed!

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Aww thank you. You're one of the few people on here I miss as well 😊 is everything good on your end?

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All grand, thanks for asking. In the process of leaving the city to take up residence in the wild blue yonder, “an’ live off the fatta the lan’, an’ have rabbits". Exciting times but terrifying too as I've never set foot outside the city much, and when I say much I mean not at all!

  ·  지난달

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Nice to see you.
The door is open. No stress.

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Nice to see you too :) all good?

I know, I know. In a way, it's good to know it's here. It's just, I haven't found a will to write here for a bit and I always feel it would be a waste to post something just for the heck of it, you know?

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I was only thinking of you today, and noticing not seeing around these parts.
Hope your ok.

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Ow how nice😊 I'm alright, writing a lot, which has taken the air out of me, which has prevented me writing here.
How are you? I enjoyed your reply post about trust from yesterday ;) made some really good points , in my opinion.

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Ok, cool, at least everything's fine.

We are doing great, thanks (as in 'very fuckin' peachy!'lol).

We just took on our second house - the first one is now more of an office - and because we're so antisocial, and the first place is too busy - we now live somewhere else.
(where no one bothers us! lol)

I'm glad you liked the post/reply - there will be more of those kind - but will now always be on the @lucyreloaded profile.
(Luce has totally given up on this place).

I want to keep this post for my original content (as naff as it may be!lol), and then dedicate a different profile to the comment/reply thingy's - if that make sense?

Nice to hear from you!

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oh cool :) Good for you on getting the new house! Hope you enjoy it.

Yeah, that totally makes sense about wanting to keep the accounts private. Cool, I'll keep an eye out for them.

(Luce has totally given up on this place)

Who can blame that..

always nice to hear you, big hug

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Aww same ❤️ everything good with you?

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ups and downs are always more interesting than a flatline. Unfortunately, i feel a bit on the flatline :-)

Looking forward to Steemfest though, will miss you there.

Now that i have a bit more time than yesterday, i have to say that your poem in this post was "poem-wise" absolutely the best i have read from you, whatever that might mean :-)

💚

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Agreed about the ups and downs, but then again, maybe a flatline is also comforting...for a while at least.

Have fun at Steemfest!! I'm sure it will be awesome! :) Yeah, me too, but it just wasn't doable this year...

Really? Wow thank you, I wasn't feeling 100% about it, so that's real good to hear. ❤️

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I also had a look at your profile yesterday to see where you were.
So happy that things are going well off chain for you.
In my opinion , Steemit isn't a great place to be right now .
Always do what's best for you so take care, be safe and be happy always :-)

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Oh it's so nice to know someone actually wondered where I was. I have been checking my feed, just not long enough to really talk to anyone, you know?
Yeah, I see what you mean about it not being a very good place to be. :/ Maybe that will change though?
Thanks, that's great advice. You good?

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Been wondering what's up in your end. I get why there might not be energy left for steeming anymore if you're working on with several writing commitments already. No pressure, sometimes downtime is necessary. Wish you well :)

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Hey. Thanks, you too! Hope all is good? :)

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Yeah, things are pretty good on my end. Will have a pause on the grind for November when I'm going to Thailand, and I'm starting massage therapist education in January, no more mail after that :D

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Hey wise girl, it's nice to see you around! :O
This place misses you, but as you said, it's life, and I find that when I force myself to do something that I don't have the will or time to do, I end up doing more damage and creating more distance. It's good to know you're doing well in RL :)

And the poem was really...strong. I loved it.