I really do not know

2년 전

We have tasted love ire's
We have walked familiar roads
Somehow, our paths crossed
Like a one-legged puppy we staggered towards eachother;

"Save me!" We yelped in unison.
And that was when I recognized you for who you were, a loner, my fellow loner...

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I could see it in your restless eyes moving sideways, left/right, right/left, asking questions that I do not have answers to.

Loner, before we mix this anger, this pain, this disbelief with love;

Will you be my salvation or my destruction?
Will you take away the pain they inflicted on me or make it burn even more?
Would you make any difference or just add to the tomb of lies?
I really do not know the difference between truth and lies anymore.

Would you be another brick of happiness that would fall apart?
Would you make me feel tired in love or happy in love?
Would we end the race before it even begins?
Would you bring me suffering or peace?
Truly, I have lost the definition of love.
I really do not know what it means to be loved anymore.

Would we share gossips and secrets and then it would just be gone, nothing to hold us back?
Would it end in hate?
Would I dread looking into your eyes for fear of seeing how much we hurt eachother?
I really do not know what to think anymore, you must be coming to poison my soul. You must be coming to send me to love's grave.

I have heard it multiple times; "I love you"
Would you be coming to pledge like them with broken eyes that screams sincerity and honesty, with open hands carving forever?
How many times do we have to hear it, how many times do we have to say it.
I really do not know what to think, could it be love when we pledge forever to someone totally different from who we pledged to the previous night?

Would it hurt? Would it hurt?
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I really do not know the difference between fiction and reality anymore.
I really do not know the difference between you and me anymore.
I do not the difference between the shadow I see on the wall, or the me I feel in my head.
I really do not know the difference between breathing and living anymore.

Fellow loner, perhaps, we should not bother merging, let us continue this lonesome journey

Maybe we would find the spark once again in a strange space....

Yet so familiar....

The roads you and I have walked....

For now we must listen to the lullaby I hear a blue bird sing from beyound....

"Sleep... Sleep... Sleep Loner"

So even before we try to vent out this pain with a kiss, I see your lonesome eyes slowly closing. Our lips had barely touched when sleep carried us away to familiar lands...

I knew it, you were too weak for me.

I am not strong either.

Take care, loner.


Image source: Pinterest

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Wanting & having, same city, different neighborhood. Love the graphics.

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