Russian Orthodox Church Patriarch Kiril, an outspoken homophobic who has also been sanctioned for his support of Vladimir Putin’s deadly war in Ukraine, was caught on video falling and injuring his back after slipping on “Holy Water” during a recent religious ceremony. According to a 2009 Forbes article, Kiril’s wealth was estimated to be between $4 and $8 billion.
Oh my God! Now, THAT was a real knee slapper. The Lord sure works in hilarious ways. Guess “Holy Water on a slippery floor” is kind of God’s answer to that old classic “slip on a banana peel” routine. Bet that hurt like “hell.” Why, the only thing missing in this video, are some “whistling sound effects” as he slides across the chapel floor.
Now, if I were Patriarch Kiril, I think I’d be a little more cautious about all that hate spewing out that big fat mouth of his. After all, next time - it might be a fucking lightning bolt. In fact, rumor has that as he fell, Kiril was heard muttering under his breath “goddamned slippery holy water! This hurts like a son-of-a-bitch!”
Now, for those of you who say, “There is nothing funny about this poor Russian Patriarch slipping and falling,” just remember “what happens to Kiril - is God’s will.” Next up on God’s TikTok channel - a bishop choking on a communion wafer, and video of a snake-handling Pentecostal preacher getting bitten by a rattlesnake!