Living a life with epilepsy can be very stresfull...every day, you waiting if a seizure will uccour. That means you spend most of your time in fear. Never knowing when the attack will occur and where it will occur and what kind of seizure will be...
This Thursday was great. I was working till 7 o'clock and then we were visiting our friends. I didn't feel any different when I was going to sleep. And then in the morning my husband wakes me up and tells me, Tina you had 3 seizures, please rest, I need to go to work. I remember telling him I could be alone and that I don't need help, and that's it.
I remember that I couldn't get up and that I woke up every now and then but I didn't have a straight to get out of bed. The dog was next to me and she didn't want to go away. The next time I opened my eyes, my husband was beside me and telling me in a calm voice that everything would be fine but that I need to go to the hospital. I remember the faces of the paramedic who came for me and that I felt very sick. That's all. Then a total blackout.
I woke up the next day at the hospital and next to me was a doctor who explained to me what happened. After somehow figuring out what was going on, I was told that they had discovered bleeding in the brain and that they had to do CT scan one more time to see if the bleeding stopped. Most likely , the vein was broken, which is a minor stroke. I can't explain how I felt when she was explaining it to me. Stroke? Really? All I wanted at that moment was to hear my husband's voice. I didn't found my phone, so I asked a nurse if I can borrow phone to call my husband. I know his number but in that moment I forgot, I also forgot to speak German . I didn't know what to do, and in that moment someone was calling so I gave phone back to a nurse, but she gave me back because it was my husband. When I heard his voice, I started to cry. I can't explain how i felt at the moment when I heard his voice. I cried and cried because it's really not good news when you have bleeding in your brain. When I finally calmed down, he said he was already on his way.
CT scan showed that the bleeding was disappearing but since it was very bad concussion I need to rest for a few days. My whole body is in bruises and we don't know how many time I fell on my head.
And then my husband came. I'm married to the best man in the world. I don't imagine life without him and I don't know how I would live with these diseases if he weren't beside me.
He is in this profession and knows exactly how to react when I have seizures. I found a perfect guy. I mean, he found me :)
After an hour I was able to leave the hospital. Of course with a very severe headache due to concussion and muscle aches due to cramps.
Because I was at all possible tranquilizers, I was really tired and when we got home I fell asleep immediately. My family was very scared so they came to visit the next day. Because I was really tired they did not stay long. Towards evening, however, I began to feel the cramps in my body again, and suddenly I fainted. Of course, my husband wanted to call the paramedic, but luckily I woke up and we didn't call them. So, I went to sleep. Next day we went to a doctor and they took my blood and luckly I was better. Still with a headache and my body was in pain, but I'm calm now.
New job and already sick 🤦♀️ and we are moving in two days 🤦♀️
Today I'm feeling a lot better, still with a light headache but I can start moving stuff in a new apartment.
I had to write this article because I have to explain my feelings to someone. I'm really scared. Until now, I was not aware that I could damage my brain and that I could be paralyzed for life. Living with this is not pleasant. So far, I have somehow accepted all of this, but after this seizure, for the first time, I became afraid. My family wants to buy me a helmet to wear when I'm home alone. I don't know if I should laugh or actually take that into account and buy it.
So, this was my week.
if you understand German you can see exactly what they found in my head
I'm still pretty shaken but because of the moving, I try to forget about all the negative things and thinking only on a positive stuff.
I will never be able to thank my husband enough for everything he does for me. For him, life is just as difficult and he lives in fear when he's not around me. He never knows where he will find me when he gets home, he always worry when I'm not picking up my phone, or when I'm not answering his questions. I love him and I will never have to thank him enough for all he does for me.
Life is hard but we are together and we will overcome this together. ❤
Promise me you'll always remember: You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. - Christopher Robin
Thanks guys for reading and till next time ❤
With love, @tinabrezpike ❤