Showcase April - Thoughts from a coffee garden in Mexico city

2개월 전

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It's been a while since I posted a freewrite. One of those freewrites that I publish on the very moment I finish them. No editing, no filtering but most importantly, no second guessing.

You see, the magic behind these freewrites is that you get to unload everything that is on your mind. It's a cathartic excercise. To do it on a daily/weekly basis is incredibly healthy, you let go of everything that is bothering or worrying you, you share the load even if it's just with a couple of readers. It means opening your mind to strangers but at the same time, there's no downside to letting other people - who you'll never know in person - what is bothering you at the moment. Freewriting on Steem the way I do it is more of a psychological excercise that brings me a positive outcome every time I do it; which is exactly why I try doing it more frequently even though I haven't been able to do it for the past few weeks.

Whenever I write these kind of posts, I try to include a few details of my daily life, not because I like doxxing myself or having my personal life out there, but because this blog started as a travel blog, where all I wrote about was traveling and adventure, and some of my readers - if any of those who started reading my pieces two years ago are still reading me - are used to read about me and how my life's going at the moment.

It also has to do with the immutability and incorruptibility of our Blockchain. Part of the purpose of my blog is to store my thoughts and life diary for my children and grandchildren to read one day. I write mainly for myself, then for my future kids, and ultimately - but not less importantly -, for my readers.

But enough of introductions. Damn, I always do the same. I already noticed it for a while now. I always start strong with my post introductions, then the post development is still solidly written but lacking in details, and finally I ever fail to write weak, rushed conclusions. I have no idea why I do that, but it's the same with everything I do in life. I always starts Incredible, I would dare saying that my starts are way above average on everything I do but my closings are always below average. I lose interest way too fast and ultimately I want to dedicate my attention to fresher stuff. I know, it's weird, wrong and I have to change it.

So, as I was saying, enough of introductions. Daily life details I said, so daily life details it is.

Remember I told you I've been taking some meds since December? Yeah, those medicines that help me control my cholesterol, triglycerides, sugar and Lypids levels on my blood. Well, if you can't recall - I wouldn't if the topic wasn't directly related to myself - I stopped taking then when I was in Europe from April to July so, all the progress I made went to waste. My blood levels were of a 300 kg, 60 year old guy and after three months of taking meds, they were still above average but close to it, which meant I was almost healthy, compared to on the verge of collapse.

Well, I stopped taking my meds and during those three months everything went back to how I was in December 2018. Meaning, tired all the time, lacking drive to to do anything, no energy, no nothing. Oh yeah, and on the edge of having a heart attack, an embolism or a severe organ failure - mainly kidneys or liver failure. So, I came back to Mexico, went to the doctor again, spent most of the money I had in meds, analysis and doctor appointments. Right now, after a little more than a month taking higher doses of stronger meds, I'm feeling better again. I don't feel the need to stay in bed for 18 hours a day; whenever someone asks me to go out; my first thought has nothing to do with excuses but with plans; doing excercise doesn't represent a chore for my brain and body but more like something my brain and body are asking me to do, something they're telling me to do; I no longer find impossible to stay awake all day without taking naps, instead, I'm amazed of how easy it is for me to wake up at 7 am, do a crapton of things during the day and then go to bed at 11 pm without being tired.

This is new for me, I feel even better than in march-april this year. I've had this blood levels problem for more than a decade but no doctor knew why I was experiencing it or how to fix it. I know, blame Mexican doctors I guess, or better yet, blame it on me for not having the drive and energy (and perhaps money) to go around from specialist to specialist and getting a bunch of tests in a corrupt health system built to squeeze every penny from sick people; which is funny, because my Illness was what made me not have the energy to find the cure for said illness. Funny. Ironic. Maybe even a bit pathetic.

Either way, it doesn't matter now. Currently, I feel as if I was 18 years old again. As a matter of fact, I feel like I should've felt when I was 18 but I never did, because my condition began when I was around 15.

Sometimes I think what I could've achieved if I found out about my condition in 2005 instead of December 2018. Damn, I don't like being presumptuous but, I managed to achieve quite a lot of things for the past decade and, now that I'm experiencing this levels if energy and drive, I think I've been operating at 25% since 2005. And dare I say, I've had a pretty good life full of achievements.

I can't wait for my condition to disappear completely - or for doctors to cure it, however you prefer defining it. I got some blood tests a few days ago and I'm still above average on every blood category I was wrong. But now I'm not 4 to 5 times above healthy levels, I'm only around 20% to 40% above healthy levels.

I spent a lot of money. Money I don't really have. Cash I need to sustain myself. But health comes first.

You ask about my near future?

Well, allow me to fill you in.

I'm currently in Puebla, Mexico living with my family. I'm not spending money because I'm living with my dad. I know, back to the family house, what a failure. But see, I don't consider it a failure, it's more like taking one step back to assess the situation before making my next move.

Before leaving on a world trip that lasted 3 years in total, including some breaks when I came back to Mexico for a couple of months per year. I used to have a very good job in Mexico city. I left when I was 27, I'm close to being 31 now. It's a considerable difference, especially at this age, where 4 years can be the differentiator when applying for a position on a corporate, filthy fiat paying job.

But the again, we live in a society... And I need money. I don't want to spend my crypto especially before the altcoin bull run that is coming soon to a theater near you.

But I also want to live in Europe. That's the endgame, at least when it's about living headquarters for Eric, and a least for the next half a decade.

I'm not going to marry my way into Europe. Call me old fashioned but I don't want to get citizenship or to stay legally in the old continent by marrying some girl I don't love. I'm Mexican, so there's only two other ways for me to live legally in Europe for an extended period of time: studying or working.

Getting a job in Europe at my age and with my qualifications is not that hard, but it requires luck, time and contacts, mainly contacts wether they are personal favours or Alma Mater working contacts. I have neither at the moment. Yeah, I have a lot of friends in Europe and there's a few steemians that I know could give me a hand, but I'm not one to ask for help - help this big - especially when I have nothing to offer to the other person, and I'm not that close to anyone in Europe.

So studying it is. I'm not going to enroll into a language course. They are too expensive - for what you get in return - and I don't think any extra language would give me an edge at least CV speaking against my European peers. I have a University degree in Marketing so, my only feasible option considering cost vs benefit and affordability is getting a Master's.

Studying a master's in Europe means two years in the old continent and then, having a real chance of getting a job in the company I have my practices.

In order to start my master studies I need to be eligible to apply to them. That means having an IELTS certificate and passing the GMAT. The former is to prove I have a good enough English level and the latter is to prove I have logic/math/analysis/critical thinking required to study at a master level in any high level University in the world.

I consider myself very capable, perhaps a little too much for me own benefit. This means I booked (and paid) the IELTS for October 3rd and the GMAT for October 29. Both tests makers advice students to prepare for at least 6 months and to pay for a preparation course or at least pay for the study books and crap. Well, I'm just going prepare by myself for a will to take the IELTS and then four weeks to take the GMAT. I know this will sound like I'm full of myself... I'm not but I mean, after all, I'm the new Eric. Old Eric achieved a lot at 25% capacity. I'm sure new Eric is capable of more at 75%.

Wish me luck. I'll keep you updated on the results.



This post was originally posted in September 2019 and it's part of my initiative called showcase April, where I'll post the best content I've done over the past three years.

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