I'm a free spirit in the truest sense of the word.
I've never liked "responsibilities." I hated school as a kid. I just wanted to veg and lounge and watch tv and play Barbies. I didn't have a lot of interests growing up, but over the years I grew a yearning for some hobbies and passions. I ended up with more than I know what to do with! Now I'm interested in just about everything. I'm a self development teacher and I sell things, and I help two people run their social media accounts, and I love to write and listen to my massive collection of cassettes and read from my massive collection of books and go to thrift stores, and so much more!
I really enjoy doing all of these things in a leisurely way. And I feel very grateful every day that my life is set up in such a way that I can do these things stress-free. I don't have a 9-5 job. That's something that doesn't fit with the life I want, so I've had to make my life work without one.
Every day that I'm alive I learn more and more about creating this life that I want that's so free. I just LOVE freedom. I relish in it. I love to wander.
Well, as these passions grow, I find myself with a growing to-do list. Over the last few weeks I've become very, very focused. And I thought I would hone in on that focus even more with this handy to-do list.
Yesterday I got very serious about this to-do list. I took the master list and created a mini daily version for that day. If you follow my work at all, you know that I live my live by the teaching of Following My Highest Excitement. So the daily to-do list usually gets side tracked by something in the flow and it takes me two to three days to get through what I intended to get done in one.
Last night I could feel this to-do list weighing on me. There's something about it that feels looming and heavy and dark. I woke up this morning with sort of a sense of dread. I had a look at this master list and broke it down for the day. The dread grew. It feels like a leash.
The most important thing to me in my life is to feel good and feel free and feel joy. I LOVE to do things that I love to do. But I love to do them in a floaty, fun, free way.
I used to trudge through my life. I used to make myself do things by pushing myself really, really hard and being mean to myself. I was my own whip.
There's nothing on this to-do list that I'm particularly dreading. I just don't like to live my life this way. I like to have my plans loose.
I ended up in bed this morning. I like to get myself right before I do things. Like I said, joy and freedom are the most important things to me. I've experienced both complete opposite ends of the spectrum: working physically very, very hard for many hours and setting up extreme difficulties for myself and trudging through them, and floating through life with ease.
Floating through life with ease is something I had to learn and am still learning. When you hear it, it sounds like an impossible fete, doesn't it? The only way you can get rich is nose to the grindstone, we're told. We're taught life is a real struggle and that anything worth having is a lot of work. No pain, no gain, they said.
I lived my life in a constant state of overwhelmment. My life reflected difficulty and chaos.
I found this Follow Your Highest Excitement teaching, and it really grabbed me. It made so much sense. The way it was described is that Following Your Highest Excitement is its own self contained kit. There's the physical version of us and then there's the energetic part of us that goes on and on unto infinity. This infinite part of us, our Source, has a very broad view. It knows what we want and the easiest way for us to get there. So when we feel excitement about doing something, that's our guidance system telling us that that's the most beneficial course of action for our lives at that time. Our excitement shows us that the energy is available to do that particular activity. Now, our guidance system was trained out of us since the day we were born because the people around us wanted to make sure that we listened to them instead of it. That voice that counters our Intuition, or Guidance System is what we call logic. It's the voice that says, "you'd have to be insane if you think you can sit down and watch tv right now. What kind of a person sits down and watches tv when the house has to be clean for when the kids get home from school? What do you think, you're rich and you have some kind of special privilege and entitlement to watch tv at 1 pm on a Tuesday?" or "Go shopping? No, the dishes have stacked up way too high." or "Write that later. It makes the most sense to wash the floor first." or "why would you take that way home when it will take an extra five minutes just because it's prettier? It's a waste of gas and time and it makes no sense."
Let me tell you something that I have learned over and over and over again through experience. FOLLOWING YOUR HIGHEST EXCITEMENT WORKS. Every time. After experimenting with it for five years I have learned some lessons the hard way. Taking the drive that takes an extra five minutes can save your life. Or it can lift your spirits. Or it can help you to run into someone you haven't seen in a long time. Or it can lead you to a bumper sticker that you read that changes your life.
Life can be SO much easier everyone makes it. Ease is sort of shunned and looked down upon. In a lot of people's eyes you're not a very worthy person if you're not working hard and grinding away and suffering sufficiently with the rest of them.
I no longer work. Yes, you read that correctly. The things that I do that make me money bleed right into the rest of my life. There's no line between work and play.
I want to share the most profound example I have for you of things being done through me. I elaborated on this story in a previous blog post, but the gist of the story is this: I moved into a tiny house that didn't fit our needs. Shit was everywhere, and it was complete chaos.
Our spaces are a mirror of our minds, and like my mind, my space was chaos and overwhelm. I draw cards every morning, and I kept drawing cards about Order. And it was freaking me out. I would stare at the word and think "what the hell?" I felt totally overwhelmed looking at the word. What did it even mean? I felt totally overwhelmed by the thought of creating this word in my life, and when I sat there and really thought about what Order is and what it would feel like in my life, it kind of straight up terrified me to be honest with you. It felt like boredom. Over and over I kept drawing the card. I was getting frustrated. Hey Universe, this isn't something I'm going to be doing any time soon. I don't even know what the hell this means much less how the fuck I would create it in my life, and it sounds pretty boring, so.... Then one morning I drew this card and I picked the damn thing up and I stared at it. And I heard, "What if you were to receive order?" What the fuck? How the fuck would I receive order? Obviously that would take a lot of planning and moving shit around and completely changing the workings of my mind and I don't even know what else. But this was a very interesting premise, and I imagined what my house would feel like if it just magically had Order. Ooh. That's nice. Huh. I guess maybe I do like the way that feels. I just experimented with whether I would like it if it magically appeared to me. And I kid you not, I started receiving order through me.
I got very excited about moving shit around. I started hanging things on the walls and beautifying a bit. Months later, the process is deepening and expanding. I was guided to a book called Soul Space at my favorite thrift store, and it inspires the living hell out of me. I'll read a sentence and my mind will immediately move to something in my house, and I'll get up and move that thing to the donate pile. I cannot tell you how good my home is feeling to me. That's right I said it. My home. I didn't know if a real home is something I would ever get to experience in life.
And I suppose these to-do lists are me further tinkering with this notion of Order. Order feels good to me now. But so does some chaos. Some of my SoulSpace is orderly, but it's also in process and has tones of chaos which I really enjoy to be honest with you. Because I can feel the Universe working through me to create it, and that's the most fun thing in the world.
I literally run into free shit that's a no-brainer that helps me organize everything with complete ease and transform a whole area of my house. There is absolutely no work involved. I am absolutely joyful and in awe of everything I do. I really, really enjoy the parts that are undone and the expectation of how they're going to come together and my curiosity about what the Universe has up its sleeve.
If I can receive that, then we can receive everything in our lives. It's truly spectacular. So now when anything in my life starts to feel not like that, I freak out a little. I want everything to feel like that.
So you know what ended up happening today? I tried to help myself to feel better by taking myself away from everything, falling back asleep and allowing myself the option to go watch a DVD. Once I allowed myself that option, I realized that real quick I would do something on today's list that was sort of optional. I felt excited about it. I ended up on my porch taking care of my plants, and that really uplifted me. I realized that I craved some sunshine; got in the shower, and ended up heading right out for my errands. This got me thinking about things being done through me. I'll write about that today, I thought. I set that intention yesterday. One day I'll write about that, I thought. I guess today's events ended up making me ready to write it today. Once again, another thing was done through me.
We have the Universe at our disposal. I know it seems far out. I know it seems magical, and if you're I was, it feels like it would take your whole life to be able to get to a place where your life is like that. But this is the way of things. We're like the plants who are conduits of the Universe, too. They don't struggle. They just be plants. It was just trained out of us. But it's actually our natural state of being. And so it's easy for us to snap back into it. Maybe you've spent a lot of years practicing the belief that the world is real hard and the only way to make it is to buck up and fight against yourself. But it's really not true.
I don't know if there's anyone better to tell that to you than me. Cause I really, really struggled through life. Like seriously, you don't understand. I made everything hard. I thought life was so, so hard. Harder than anyone I know. My belief was thick. Here I am five years later writing this to you. Things get done through you. You're a conduit of energy. Any energy can flow through you if you intend it, align with it, and are open to it. It's truly spectacular.
All of us are essentially channels. Do you know that you're not even the thinker of your thoughts but the receiver of them? We attract our thoughts just like we attract everything in our lives. Just like our home is a reflection of our minds, the whole world is. Everything that happens to us is. It's called Law of Attraction. We are energetic magnets. That's what we are as humans. So if you understand that you attract your thoughts, think about what that means. When I write, I learn things. Because I'm open, and things come through. But that doesn't just happen when people write. It happens all the time. You have access to all information and all energies. Well, that's not entirely true. You have to be an energetic match to it. You have access to all thoughts and energies that you're a match to. Think about that! You are unlimited potential. Literally. Just think about the things that can be done through you. That's why people like Elon Musk can do such extraordinary things! We're all capable of doing extraordinary things to the degree that we allow them.
So you have to stop fighting against yourself. Again, I was the poster child for fighting against myself. I'm still breaking myself of those tendencies. These things can be worked out of your belief system and your life very easily and quickly. All it takes is some experimentation. You're going to see that it works, and it's going to teach you on its own. It will gain momentum quickly. You'll start feeling more and more ease as time goes by until your old life is unrecognizable to you.
If my shitty house that I was ashamed to ever let anyone over to can be turned into a SoulSpace in the matter of months in a totally joyous way, anything is possible through you. You are a vehicle of the Universe.
I believe that we're all capable of living a life of joy and ease. I believe it's all of our birthright. I believe that this story of struggle and strife is just a human story and that it's time to remember we're part of nature too and start telling another one. I believe that every single person is capable of living a life of ease and alignment, channeling the energy of the Universe.
To me maybe it's not in my constitution to follow rigid to-do lists. I have a friend who revels in to-do lists and thinks crossing things off of them is the funnest thing on the planet. (Virgo.) The point is to follow your own guidance and start being kind to yourself instead of working against yourself. Do what works for you. Do what you like. Why else would we be alive? Truly. Is the Universe so cruel that you're here to struggle through life and prove yourself worthy? You are Source Energy manifested into a physical body the same as Jesus or any enlightened master was, and what they can do, you can do, too.