What initially flattered me, turned into an almost stifling sexual aggression. The fear made my stomach sour, and my hand shook as I pulled out the plastic box where I stored my semi-automatic Taurus .45 ACP.
There was no way in hell I was going to let this guy rape me, I would shoot him first. I checked the loads, inserted the clip as quietly as possible to, and tucked it into my concealed carry holster that sat in the small of my back. Nonchalantly, I wandered back out into my living room.
"Come one, just one kiss. Or maybe you can play me something on the piano," he said.
I feigned tiredness and told him that I wasn't feeling so well, maybe we could hang out some other time. Suddenly a shout came from my yard. His friend was looking for him. "Hey man, what's up?" said my neighbor when I shouted for him to come in. Relief poured into me as he took in the situation for what it was. "Come on, let's go. I gotta go make dinner and I need your help." My aggressor seeing that I was not as accepting of his insistence as he had hoped, finally nodded and walked out.
Tears rolling down my cheek, I locked the door and stayed in the rest of the day. From that day forward, I never looked at my neighbors friend, or spoke to him again. The next few days, I was a bit below the weather because all the fear and anxiety of that moment had taken such an intense toll on my health. Fear will do that to you.
All photos except the first are my original photos, all rights reserved.
Dear Diary - Fear Is the Smoking Gun. It can cause us to act in extreme ways, or to shut down in paralysis
Honestly, I am blessed, in that, I have never had to take a life. But, I have had a few fearful moments where I thought I would have to act in self defense. Haven't we all? This moment happened to me during my time in Springfield, Missouri.
And if that moment comes, where you are choosing between something horrible, and the drop of a hammer - are we brave enough to actually do it? Or, do we allow the fear to paralyze us as it did to me in Brazil, when I watched the off-duty cop set his gun down on the table next to my bed before he raped me.
M y FEAR of being killed or thrown in prison for murder completely outweighed my ability to pick up the gun, and shoot. I always did have a soft heart, one that I have paid for over and over again.
But, sometimes, I think FEAR, is the smoking gun.
Fear makes our mind shut down and literally makes us unable to think in a logical way. It lowers our immunity and creates weakness in the body leaving it open to disease.
Coming back to the present situation, I see FEAR everywhere, right alongside IGNORANCE. Fear, is people getting on the bus, glancing around to see if everyone is wearing their masks, even though the microns (size) of the mesh are much bigger than the microns of the spit droplets which come out if we sneeze or speak.
Fear, is the motivator which drives friends away, who I have not seen since March. One friend said to me, that she would maybe meet me in el Cable, but wasn't "brave enough" to go to el Centro yet.
And TV, the biggest purveyor of FEAR porn in the world, is telling billions that they need to be scared for their lives each and every day since this entire Plandemic began.
Fear is the smoking gun of the COVID-19, much more so than a flu-bug that still hasn't killed even 1% of the 50 million people who live in Colombia. And, it is literally destroying our world like never before.
My own personal life is nothing remarkable. I get up every morning, like I did today, repeat the same actions of morning bible study, exercise, shower and Steemit. But, what is remarkable, are the drastic changes in less than six months, from living our lives to hiding in our homes.
One of the many alternative media commentators said in this program, that people were asking how much longer this lockdown would last. His response was, "until people walked out of their homes and went back to living."
The answer to everything, is fear. The way you deal with that fear is what dictates the outcome. In two situations, fear drove me to act in two different ways. One, the violence of taking a life. The other, in allowing something terrible to happen to me - that I WOULD walk away from.
Life is not comfortable like in the movies. It is a giant shit storm where only the strong survive.
What choice will you make? The debilitating weakness of FEAR? Or, the possibility that you will probably survive to live another day?
Dear Readers, pardon me for not providing more facts and references. I suppose I could have found the reference about microns of masks versus saliva, and the exact words and source of the news commentator. But, that's not my point. My point is...what will you do? What are you going to do with the fear?
Really, you should have NO FEAR, live your life, and...
If you feel a kindred spirit in my diary about times of coronavirus, pressure and overcoming - then do your part to help a neighbor get through to the other side by upvoting, and/or giving me a resteem, of this post. Tell a friend - and join #thediarygame so we can all bring home the rewards of high quality content curation on the @SteemitBlog ecosystem.