Sometimes...

2년 전

Sometimes I feel like destroying worlds...
Like punching walls, blowing shit up, and bringing an end to it fucking all.

But “love and light,” right...?

Sometimes I feel like it’d be a fucking miracle if a meteor hit the earth and took us all out, putting us petty humans out of misery, ending the suffering of this human drama and all its bullshit.

But “look on the bright side,” right...?

Since when did it become condemnable to speak such truth of how we can feel at times, to express the dark within as such waves pass through? For what reasons other than the gratification of inflated spiritual ego and fear or rejection had we become brainwashed into answering, “how are you doing” with nothing other than “good” - in spite of the fact that fabricated answer may be little more than an outright lie alot of the time?


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I don’t recall being like this years ago.

Yeah, I went through my darker shades. We all have. But where did my youthful optimism, ambition, lust for life, and happiness go?


Paging spirit back.

(Or, perhaps I just experience chronic amnesia... the truth of those of us with Emotional Authorities in Human Design being that there is no truth in the now, our vision limited to what’s in front of us at the time... surely, I’ve been in much darker states than this. And surely, this wave, too, shall pass. Cancel the page. Spirit was here the whole time. Shadows are all part of it, too.)

Sometimes I almost admire guys like Chris Cornell and Kurt Cobain... guys who had the balls to remove themselves from this twisted dimension and all its pain, leaving on a high note with their legacies set in place that would continue to inspire decades beyond their parting. Or at the least, respect the soul-sovereignty from which they made their decisions.

Maybe most of us are too fucking scared of death. Or maybe we’re smart - knowing that we haven’t achieved enough that would make it worthwhile, our deaths being relatively irrelevant without having etched such grand legacies into culture - persisting in the drudgery of 3D until at least leaving some mark that’d make what we’ve gone through so far at least a little worthwhile.

But back to the feel-good motivational & inspirational memes, right? “Positive vibes only,” right? Cuz after all, who wants to face reality with its duality?

Far better to fragment and compartmentalize, so as to stick the ugly sides ourselves and the world under the carpet where we don’t have to look at it, instead distracting ourselves with flashy things and popular cultural trends that give us some sense of belonging - irregardless of whether that belonging is to something of substance or merely illusory ego-gratifying bullshit - right...?

But who am I to rain on anybody’s positivity parade?

Human? Nooooo.

Humans don’t suffer, right? Pain, sadness, grief... “suck it up, big boys & girls!”

No time for the full spectrum of emotions, after all. Fuck the totality of reality. Better deny our true feeling to conform to the image of “good boys & girls” that is guaranteed to be socially approved of, right...?

Okay then. Blue pill it is.

Cuz the depths of the red pill don’t win too many friends.

Then again, who wants friends if they’re only gonna stick around for the “love and light,” and turn their backs on you when you’re drowning cuz the reflections of the dark are too uncomfortable to face?

As if we don’t all have it all in each of us.

As if any of us were as “positive vibes only” as we’re “supposed to” present ourselves as.

Fucking nations of fake-ass cowards we’ve been, hiding behind masks to win approval, concealing our pains to front like we’re more than human.

Sometimes it seems - from the lows of the waves - we’d be better off all dead. Maybe that’s why it’s our ultimate fate. No escaping it. Maybe that’s why there might potentially be some honor to be had by those who take it into their own hands - after at least leaving something worthwhile behind that speaks to & inspires something deep within millions, to the humanity and suffering in it - rather than being yet another sheep following the herd, putting on a bullshit positivity dance to appease neighbors and coworkers, fearful of death until they can’t outrun it any longer.

And, the majority judge - as if there’s greater honor in enduring pain and the bullshit facades than taking destiny into one’s own hands, should that be how a person chooses to exercise their God-given free will. Ungrateful little bitches for the inspirational masterpieces they left behind, self-righteously condemning as though we don’t each have the right of choice on how to experience our own bodies.

Bet: THIS ain’t gonna win the most popular post of the year award.

Cuz after all, “love and light,” right...? So let’s just condemn those in suffering. When it’s them that need it the most.

Maybe we are the villains. Maybe we are the scum of the earth that deserve to be wiped out, the ones due for extermination on judgement day - because of the judgement we’ve passed on those who needed our love and light the most.

Cuz it was easier to to point the fingers at them than see it in ourselves.

Sometimes we can be such fucking hypocritical pieces of shit.

And maybe, that’s what makes us human - along with every other bit of character on the full spectrum. Including the love & light.

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Heya @rok-sivante,

You had me rolling after "love and light, right?" Not everyone's gonna get it, but I enjoy the sinister touch to this post. You can't really know something if you're too afraid to question it. When it comes to positivity and motivation, no one wants to look into the darkness to find answers. It's always more well I don't if "fun" is the correct word to describe fulfilling to investigate further. Your opinion may be "unpopular" but at least it's not one-dimensional and I appreciate it.

With love,
@shello

Think of social media as a communal well, where we all come to slake our thirst. Anger, contempt & nihilism poison that well.

Sure, we all have negative emotions; but it’s a form of consideration to others to work on them.

On the other hand, it is spiritually-immature and self-indulgent/ego-driven to vent in this hateful manner—-especially, when there are countless others suffering far more than you, yet working through it, with grace & dignity.

Spreading darkness is unhelpful, Rok & glorifying suicide is very dangerous.

Here are two sayings you might meditate on:

The obstacle is the path. ~ Zen

Everyone who has ever built anywhere a "new heaven" first found the power thereto in their own hell.

~ Nietzsche

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Do you not feel there is an occasional time and place for total blunt honesty - if for no other purpose than offering a full spectrum of truth, rather than selective facades?

Do you feel it’s an impossibility that being authentic in giving expression to such passing emotions might actually be of service to someone at some point in time - providing a reflection to feelings they themselves feel at times, and thus providing some sense of connection and relief in the knowing they aren’t alone and might not have to remain in condemnation of their own experience, pushing it away where it’d only grow without processing through expression because it’s been deemed taboo?

Damn right, it’s #unpopular. But it’s part of the full spectrum of reality that humans deal with. And who’s to say that while a majority might look at with the commonly-held judgements of it being “negative,” there might be even one person who embraces it as medicine - finding in it an expression of emotion they have been too fearful of looking at or speaking themselves, and through the experience of it being articulated rather than suppressed, moving through the wave, perhaps experiencing its completed processing for the first time...?

Who’s to objective judge what’s “spreading darkness” - versus perhaps shining light into it, getting a good look at what’s actually in there? (Versus letting it remain darkness without such an exploration with awareness and the courage to be honest with what exists there).

Healing doesn’t take place without awareness. Awareness doesn’t happen without transitioning from denial to acceptance. And acceptance doesn’t mean staying stuck in a state - but acknowledging a necessary step in the path before being able to take the next beyond it...

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Ye, I do believe in honesty, bluntness even, and helping others.

But, I'm sorry to say that you deceive yourself (are too deep in your dark hole to realize it) if you think that's what your post is doing, Rok.

Your post is ugly and violent, lashing out at others because of the pain you feel inside. This is not the way of one working on themselves.

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Who specifically had I lashed out at?

(And thank you for the feedback - none of it was intended as a glorification of suicide, though upon rereading, I see where that may have been the impression and tweaked a few words accordingly to correct.)

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I appreciate your gracious response, to my blunt honesty, in your service (as a fellow sufferer & seeker).

Consider this, Rok. This outburst of yours is not sometimes, but often.

You spoke, earlier, of dying to yourself (a necessary part of rebirth) yet I see this unbecoming, petulant rage as an undying part of the old you.

Consider, too, that at the heart of world-contempt lies self-contempt.

Lastly, you know who hates ‘love and light’ most? Forces of darkness.

Consider that you might be in the grip of this, as Blake said of Milton:
of the devil’s brigade without knowing it.

This would explain the destructive, deeply disturbing aspect of your post (it has left me physically sick).

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You are a true friend.

Most would not go out of their way and share the way you have.

I didn’t consciously put this out as a test, yet somehow feel by this last response that you passed. Lol.

(I’m certain you shall feel lighter and well on the other side of the ‘purge.’ My apologies for the unintended side effects.)

💖

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❤️

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Again, thank you for the feedback...

Of course, there is art that is dark - and your input was needed to make a few refinements to this and get the alchemical blend right. Rushed it out and yeah, there was a toxicity in/to it that required edits and additions to get it where it needed to be as the full-spectrum piece intended - which would not happened without your bravery.

You shall be well-rewarded with gamma & blessings. 🙏⭐️

  ·  2년 전

I kind of feel that way too. Usually it is only when I am driving though. Like what if I just rammed this guy off the road? Or wouldn't it be awesome if a truck just smashed into that person right now. Like you said though, I really don't want anyone to die or anything. I just want them out of my way! Road rage :)

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Maybe you ought to get some Tibetan Buddhist crystal bowl meditation soundtracks or something like that to listen to on the road... lol 😎

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  ·  2년 전

I'll throw my Enya CD in next time and see if that helps :)

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