I Quit My Job And Now I Am Terrified


The title is a little bit clickbait. I didn't technically quit my job. I kind of refused to extend my contract with my current company. My contract will be done on the 31st of March.

I have made many stupid decisions and this one is one of them.

There were many reasons why I hated working in this particular company. I won't get into all of them right now because that would be extremely unprofessional. Every company has its problems and culture. Sometimes you're just not the right fit.

Working at a job you hate is sort of like being an unhealthy relationship.

It takes up all of your mental energy. It's not good for your health. You don't feel like you're being valued. Perhaps your partner is playing mind games with you. They make it virtually impossible to leave them in a way that would be the best for both of you. But sometimes you just have to pull the trigger and do it.

The job I am doing right now is the definition of what is called My Personal Hell. Sure, some people enjoy customer service. I'm not one of them. It doesn't make me feel better when an angry person calls me to complain and I solve their problem. I don't feel happy or fulfilled. It just makes me extremely depressed.

I've suffered from night terrors since my teenage years and they have recently come back after a six-month break. I've found gray hairs on my head. I'm 23 years old. I don't want to have graying hair due to stress.

Knowing that in less than three weeks I don't have to wake up at 7 am to go to spend 8.5 hours + occasional overtime in My Personal Hell feels so freeing. I don't think I've looked forward to anything as much as to this.

In the first five days, I will just lie on my couch and watch Pixar movies. I will hang out with my friends. I will take up painting. I've had paints lying around for long enough.

I recognize that I have the luxury of doing this. I don't have a young family. My expenses are relatively minimal. I don't have any debt. I have enough savings to last me a while. I made sure of that.

I can afford to not work for a little while. But as the day of me being 'funemployed' is nearing, I can't help but feel a teeny tiny seed of terror growing in the pit of my stomach. A little voice in my head is telling me that I am being completely stupid to choose to not work. In this country! In this economy!

Plus, now that this virus is probably going to jumpstart yet another economic recession, there is a good probability that I won't be able to find another job so easily. There is only so far my savings can stretch.

But there is no point in catastrophizing this. I will be okay.

I will give myself two weeks of vacation. After that, I will start looking out for greener pastures. Wish me luck!

Source: https://pixabay.com/illustrations/money-seem-fall-2082383/

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