The Weather Report #10

3년 전

W.R. 10 - week ending 24.11.17

Brrr it is getting cold in Baghdad this week with temperatures ranging from lows of 18C/64F to highs of 21C/69F. if it gets any colder, i would have to recommend moving to Somaliland. there will be no rain, of course, but humidity will sit around the 30% mark and winds will not exceed 10mph. this week’s Weather Report is presented in association with the Iraq Bikers. they’re a mixed bunch, riding all over Iraq and include Sunni, Shia, Christian, Kurd and Turkmen amongst its membership. they are currently on the look-out for 1 Jew, some Sikhs and a pair of pair of Mormon as they feel this would really help break down barriers regarding “Motorcycle Clubs” and their nefarious reputation, so if you are Jewish, a Sikh or Mormon and in Iraq (or even if you just like motorbikes) give them a call on +9647722288842 or send them a message on facebook - they usually reply within 24 hours!

iraq_bikers_final.jpg
Iraqi Bikers - supported by HUMAN AUCTION

meanwhile, elsewhere:

EUROPE - SCOTLAND: SNP introduce a minimum alcohol price standard as the whole of Scotland, literally the whole country, totally lost their shit. Kirsty Leslie commented “the SNP are literally, destroying Scotland"; Richard Haines echoed the sentiments of her and most other people adding “low income (households) just about getting by, and happen to enjoy a few responsible drinks here and there, will now have to give that up as well,”
for any readers who don’t know much about Scotland, there are a few things you should know:
i) Scotland is beautiful. it’s really stunning - from the forests in the middle, to the windswept and brutal coastline, including the borders to the south, and all the way out to the far-northern isles (hebrides) where little has changed, well, ever, it is really quite a special place. if you haven’t been you should totally go. but go in august. and take your winter clothes.
ii) Scotland is COLD. like really, really, cold. it’s a wet cold too and it chills you to your bone. you need to be warmly wrapped and waterproof at all times.
iii.) Scotland is a nation of alcoholics, drinking mainly single malt whisky and Buckfast. it is so ingrained in the culture that in Scotland they are wary of non-drinkers, treating them as other nations would treat severe alcoholics. how much do they like drinking? well, 24.11.17 was Black Friday, and where the rest of us perused electronics, internet deals, that kind of thing, in Scotland they had massive 4.5 LITRE bottles of Famous Grouse(a terrible whisky) - “normal” size is 0.7L or 1.0L - as well as other spirits. for Black Friday. why did the SNP make such a desperately unpopular decision now? well, to be fair this legislation passed five years ago and has been in court ever since. also, the Scots aren’t very good at drinking. for a nation of just under 6 million people, in the last 2 years, Scottish police confirmed 6,500 reports of antisocial behaviour and violence relating to buckfast alone. “alcohol-related” crime statistics included 54% of all violent crime was influenced by booze, 50% of convicted murderers were drunk or on drugs at the time of offence, and 67% of young offenders were drunk when they committed the crime(s) they were sentenced for. as usual this will impact society’s poorest the hardest, with most Scots seeing it as yet another stealth-tax for the already poor. that said, in a 2016 report, alcohol harm (inc. health, social care, productive capacity) cost the tax-payer £3.6billion + National Health Service bill was £267million + crime cost £727 million. and they reckon a minimum price is the thing destroying the country.
buckie_thug.jpg
making friends - with Buckfast (a.k.a. Break the Hoos(house) Juice, Vino d’Jaikey, Commotion Lotion)

NORTH AMERICA - USA: all-round definitely good eggs, facebook, are set to release (in December 2017) a tool allowing users to see where posts actually come from. this is all because of the US voting “scandal” where Hillary lost to the Donald because she is a sadistic sociopath with a long list of extra-judicial killings to her name, personally, whereas the Donald only killed some people and only ever over money - which is the one thing you can do without facing jail time. so long as you give a stack of cash to someone. like the president at the time. then it’s ok. anyway, the Russian company Internet Research Agency - which doesn’t sound at all sinister - and behind “hundreds of Facebook, Instagram and Twitter accounts”, posting thousands of politically-charged messages and buying advertising space has been outed as… hackers? apparently this is not an ok thing to do. no one uses propaganda to further their own narrative. except for terrorists. these “fake” pages were patriotically designed & presented appearing as if they were created and posted by Americans, and had white power-y names like “Heart Of Texas” or “Secured Borders”. in previous statements, facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg has said as many as up to, maybe, 126 million Americans may have seen content uploaded since early 2015. the confusing thing about all of this is why is it illegal if Russia do it and it is pro-the Donald? Hilary’s people put together a concert with Beyonce and Jay-Z headlining which some might have called propaganda (because that’s exactly what it was). shouting out (or post, article, op-ed, tweet, interview, photo, opine…) your biased views - that’s called campaigning; not telling the truth - politics; manipulating details to make them appear as something else/new - that’s called spin; the people who write these ideas - communications directors; making sure specific people are in a photo or post (even if they wouldn’t choose to be) - Public Relations; spreading ideas for support, influence, money - lobbying/lobbyist; deciding how to split the image you wish to project between various media - that is a campaign manager. what you wear, how you talk, “anonymous” charitable donations you make, what your kids do… all of this , and SO much more is how you become head girl or boy. there are also things like the party whips - who lie and bully and collect information to use against someone in the future. none of the above is morally just, hell most of it is morally deplorable, but it is what happens, every day, on both sides of the coin. but don’t take our word for it, check out the figures below:

Expenditure ------------------------------------------------------ Number

Total US operation expenses ------------------------------- $2.3 million
Staff working on US campaign ----------------------------- up to 90 people
Number of US social media accounts/communities -- at least 118
Total subscribers ---------------------------------------------- more than 6 million
Most page views in a week --------------------------------- 70 million (October 2016)
American activists supported ------------------------------ 100
Rallies held in US cities ------------------------------------- 40
Budget to support US activists ---------------------------- approximately $80,000 over two years
Budget for social media promotion ---------------------- approx. $120,000 over two years

so don't know about you guys, but it looks a lot like campaigning from over where we’re standing. the difference? the Russian campaign team ran a good race and the Donald won. whereas the Democrat campaign team were rubbish and Hilary lost.
trump-putin.jpg
Russia & America - closer than most think

THE WORLD - BEEHIVES, EVERYWHERE: who doesn’t love them? especially the chubby little high-fiving bumble bees. bees control ALL international honey deals, they run the international honey monopoly with support from HSBC (money), DeBeers (diamonds) and Goldcorp (gold). bees are the ultimate “blood in, blood out” organization renowned for their unflinching readiness to sacrifice as many as it takes in the face of certain death. because what matters is the hive. with internet connections and speeds improving all the time though, access to information is now available to juvenile bees in a never-seen-before way. and young bees have been exploring different avenues. at first it was suspected that they were just curious, maybe even lazy, or that it was a generational phase the kids would grow out of. however this recent study has shown that in fact the bees are more likely to be so god-damned high on pesticides that they have forgotten how to buzz! with many young bees now rejecting the practice as “old-fashioned” - preferring to communicate via smart phone using the iBee messaging service - they are also rejecting traditional pollen collection methods. an ever increasing number of bees preferring instead to purchase pollen online through notorious websites like beeroad and using beecoins. the problem with this, apart from the fact it is illegal and unregulated, is that 80% of all plant species rely on pollination - with bees doing most of it. talks are due to take place next month with the wasps preparing their pitch for the control of the pollination racket and honey industry. the wasps have been muscling in on bee territories for the last 10 years now, but their inability to produce honey has always left them with operating costs far exceeding the bees. however with several prominent hornets named in the paradise papers and damning allegations of sexual misconduct and rape against 5 queen bees has created a power-void and now the insect world is gearing up for a war between the bee and wasp mafias.
waspasshole_final.jpg
wasps - just assholes

AFRICA - ZIMBABWE: Robert Mugabe falls asleep as the world tries to work out what kind of coup took/is taking place. if it is a coup, but everyone insisted it isn’t a coup, per se, and if you’ve read the various W.R.s you all know what that means (i.e. of course it is without a doubt a Coup). the whole thing started when Robert Mugabe was placed under house arrest and his wife, Grace, fled the country altogether, by the military in what appeared to be your run-of-the-mill coup d’etat led by military chief General Constantino Chiwenga. so it was a standard “get the f@k out” Coup d’Etat. then someone confirmed it was actually the Army who arrested him, making it a military coup again; only then it became not the army, but the Veterans Association - making it a guardian coup. at this point, Mugabe’s own party - ZANU-PF - said they wanted him gone too and would fire and impeach Mugabe on Sunday and Tuesday respectively if he didn’t go quickly and quietly. those deadlines came and went during which time - over 72 hours since the initial coup - Mugabe was presiding over a university graduation ceremony(?!). then he fell asleep. then embarked on one of several looooong speeches. then the police added their support to the army, via the veterans association, taking it back to some sort of military coup; then the opposition said they were involved - from exile in Kenya - and it became a political coup; then the people all came out on the street insisting it was *****their***** c(oup (which would mean it was a civilian coup)).and through all of this, Mugabe was giving rambling speeches and generally falling asleep. to be fair, he is 93. everyone was now saying “get the f@k out or we will arrest, impeach and imprison/execute you”. to which Mugabe said “i give ZERO f@^!s, this is my country, f@^k you, f@^k you”. this had, for Mugabe, a a most undesirable effect - it it galvanised everyone else for the first time since the British left Rhodesia. suddenly, it was a **. suddenly, it was a VETO coup! Mu!abe, still giving zero f@^!s, went back to sleep. as of the 23.11.17 though Mugabe is willing to step aside so long as no one can try the corrupt, racist, war criminal we all know him definitely not to be ;-/
mugababes.jpg
robert’s next project - it’s the mugababes!

have a sunny weekend,

HA
@humanauction

p.s. please, if you liked this report leave comment, share, like, re-steem, follow or any of that good stuff. you know, if you’d like to. we sure would really appreciate it! :-)
HA

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no comment this time @abasinkanga? i look forward to our weekly interaction!
have a good one ;-)
HA

18degrees? Low temperature? Noo its hot!

·

yeah, in greenland i can imagine 50C means absolutely nothing to you, in the UK we have no concept of HOW f£!ing HOT* that is. but not in Baghdad @greenland, not in Baghdad! lolz. in the summer it will regularly hit 50C, 51C. during ramadan. or when they're fighting a war... just HOW hot is it? well, for reference purposes - in the UK, the minimum setting on a standard oven is 50C. if you leave chopped vegetables in the oven overnight at 50C, in the morning they will be perfectly cooked. so basically, if you stay still in Baghdad, in august, 12 hours later you will be cooked, perfectly. thanks for commenting!
HA

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this is certainly an ecumenical matter.